Sometimes He Calms the Storm...

...and other times He calms His child (lyrics from Scott Krippayne).  We received a phone call this morning from CPO with the news that "J" had sent them a text message letting them know that she has changed her mind.  Failed adoption numero dos for the Irwins (so far, we're 0 for 3 in this parenting thing...1 miscarried pregnancy and 2 failed adoptions).  We are - of course - sad, and confused, and frustrated, and confused (oh, did I already say that?), but we also are 100% in support of "J's" decision.  This little guy was not our baby, and although we really hoped that we would be blessed with the opportunity to parent him, we fully stand behind "J" in this decision.  We also stand by our resolve to praise God when we win, and praise God when we lose (we got that quote from the movie Facing the Giants...if you haven't seen it yet, you totally should).  As hard as it was to get the phone call this morning, we actually see it as an answer to prayer.  We have been in the midst of a 2-week period of no communication from "J" and were becoming a bit anxious that this little guy's due date on the 13th would come and go, and we'd be left wondering.  It was hard to get the phone call from CPO this morning, but it would have been so much harder had "J" simply disappeared entirely.  Last night, as I was browsing through Pinterest (my latest fun pasttime), I came across a picture of Romans 12:12 written on a piece of paper.  When Steve woke up to go to work, I showed it to him, commenting on how perfect it was as we were waiting in the midst of a lot of unknowns.  It says:

"Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer"

I cling to that even now.  We are in no way giving up on this journey of becoming parents through adoption, and we are excitedly jumping right back into foster parenting with both feet as well (we'd put ourselves on hold for a bit, as the trip to Oklahoma for our pending adoption approached).  We absolutely love what CPO is doing through their ministry to birthmoms and are so glad to be involved with them, and will continue to be.  We still cling to the truth of the Bible that our God is awesome, sovereign, loving, and good.  All the time.  Even when we don't understand, even when we aren't necessarily "feeling it," we know that He is good.  Now that doesn't mean that we're happy with how things turned out, or that we aren't disappointed that our 3 1/2 year journey has been delayed yet again, nor does it take away the sting of the many upcoming babies happening among our family/friends as we continue to wait on something God has not yet revealed to us.  BUT...we can take a cue from Paul in Philippians 4:11-13 when he says, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength"  (and this dude was in prison as an innocent man, wrongly accused, when he wrote this!  If he can do it in those circumstances, we certainly can rejoice amidst ours)!

I spent most of the morning revising our Lifebook ("J" has the only hard copy, and we need to send a new one so CPO can start showing our profile to prospective birthmoms again).  Luckily, CPO has us create our Lifebooks in Shutterfly, so they are easy to reproduce.  Our current Lifebook was done last year after we moved to Kansas, so it was full of pictures with Norman.  Unfortunately, I had to replace all those pictures, since Norman is no longer with us (talk about adding salt to the wound, huh?).  It is all ready to go now, and we'll get it ordered/sent tonight or tomorrow.  Then, we wait...again.

We've been so blessed by the prayers, encouragement, support, virtual hugs, and excitement from our family and friends as we've been on this latest adoption journey these past 7 months since being chosen by "J."  We certainly appreciate all of it, and we are really doing ok.  We have a 6th anniversary to celebrate tomorrow, and although we'd hoped to be celebrating under different circumstances, we still have so much that we're thankful for.  God has brought us through so much these past 6 years, and I know there will be many more trials and tough times.  That's life, ya know?  The difference is that we have an incredible hope, and boy, has that hope been made more real to me in the past few years than ever.  We've been able to live in the knowledge that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7).  That is the only way I can describe the peace we feel, because it sure isn't coming from us...we'd be wrecks if we didn't have it.

Still praising our God...