Lessons We're Learning in the Battle

I just posted this on our Facebook prayer page, but wanted to post it here, too, so I have a reminder to go back to over and over again. God is teaching me lots these days in terms of waiting on Him and resting in Him alone.  :)

There is a scripture passage by Paul that has been really sticking out to me lately. I have many friends that have had a much smoother road to parenthood, whether through adoption, fostering-to-adoption, or even births of several biological children (or even on a less-than-smooth road, their panic moments may have been shorter, and closure has come more quickly) and I admit to being tempted to question God's love for me in the process. Silly, I know, but we've heard many success stories and while we rejoice with each one, we're at the point that those just aren't helpful when trying to compare with our own journey because it's just a further reminder that God hasn't taken away our "thorn" yet, and Satan can so easily invade my mind with thoughts of "see, God obviously loves them, but not you"...they are blatant lies, but when we see our circumstances above the Truth of God's word, we can be tempted to believe them. Comparison is such a dangerous thing. Anyone else struggle with this? I'm sure each of you have your own personal struggles as well that Satan can use (he is so good at helping us compare our unique story to others' stories, isn't he? Sneaky and wrong). But if we keep our focus on the attributes of God, and who He is -- not just "what can He do for me?" even though we certainly are blessed by God in immeasurable ways, too! Anyone see that gorgeous sunset last night? But that's not the only time we should praise Him. We need praise Him simply because He is worthy of our praise. Not always easy to put in practice, but so worth it. I guess that's why they call it a "sacrifice of praise" sometimes. Anyhow, so in this looooooong trial of Samuel's adoption journey, I admit I've questioned why God hasn't ended it for us yet. I see the hundreds of lives touched by his story, and I know that we should be honored to be used in that way (and we are), but the human side of me can be ugly and selfish and just "want our turn for a happy ending." I was thinking about this past year and every single terrifying obstacle we've had, and even though God hasn't delivered us completely with a finalized adoption (yet), He has been more than faithful in bringing us through every single scary moment, and even giving us many unexpected blessings along the way. Remember a year ago when Jessica first set up this prayer page? We were having a routine visit with Samuel's birthmom and family in Tulsa, and it turned into a possibility of losing Samuel that week because of some court filings that happened to go through at the same time (filings which turned out to be incorrect, of course, but still scary!). But God! He allowed Samuel to come home with us that week, and we've had an entire year of similar miracles! As we near the (hopeful) end of this journey, we are getting so antsy and our minds are constantly thinking "enough already!!" but God is not through with Samuel's miraculous story quite yet. Even still, there is absolutely no question that He's walking every step of the way with us, giving us victories along the way. If you are struggling with something and wondering why others seem to have an easier time with something that is your biggest thorn (everyone's "thorn" is different)...don't let Satan lie to you and tell you God just must not love you as much then. God is working in our biggest weaknesses to show His grace and power. Does it make it fun? Absolutely not. But today I pray I can begin to have Paul's attitude more and more as we walk through this (I've attended more pity parties this past 5 years than I care to admit). He says in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This is good stuff, folks! I hope you all had a blessed Christmas, and as always, thank you for being warriors for Samuel (and us!). You are the best!

Remembering "The Call"...

One year ago today, I was on my way to a facial appointment (hmmm...I should have done that again to commemorate, hehe) and got a phone call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach that changed our lives. We'd been chosen as an adoptive family by a birthmom who happened to be due on our wedding anniversary! Later that afternoon, we got to meet the most incredible woman over Skype, and hit it off immediately. 

Many of you know we've had a couple failed adoptions before this, but this call was different. When we "met" H over skype, I felt like we'd already been friends and known each other. From that first call, we've formed an incredible bond that is hard to describe. God has made beauty from ashes in a tough, unfair situation, and H made an incredibly selfless choice for her son. We love sweet H more than words can say, and are just so thankful God brought our paths together through a precious, ornery, amazing, thriving little boy.  

I will never forget the day we got "the call"...we continue to pray that God is working in the hearts of Samuel's birthfather and family, and that we will get to finalize this adoption soon, this time of uncertainty can end, and we can (officially) be a family. Keep those prayers coming, friends. Love you all!

It's About That Time...Adoption Fundraiser Time!!!

When we began this adoption process, we set aside funds for the adoption fee as well as home study fees, attorney fees, etc. Unfortunately, this has turned into a larger legal battle than we’d planned for, so we are in need of some additional funds.  We truly believe God is fighting this battle for us, and as long as He continues to provide the resources (which He certainly has to this point), we will fight for this precious boy.  We certainly don’t view these ongoing legal fees as a problem, but they are now definitely a matter that needs to be addressed. The amount of funds needed might be a BIG amount, but so is our God. And He is also the protector of the weak, which we’re believing for in Samuel’s case. And when He calls you to adopt, He also provides you with the resources to do so. We don’t believe He’s called us this far just to give up.

So here we are, needing to raise some money.
And we’re super excited about how we’re going to do it!

Here’s how it works:

§  We have four puzzles, 285 pieces each (for a total of 1,140 pieces), custom made with the designs from the t-shirt contest and/or pictures of this precious baby boy.

§  For $10, a person/family purchases 1 piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

§  You can purchase as many puzzle pieces as you wish!
$10 = 1 piece
$50 = 5 pieces
$100 = 10 pieces

§  We will write the name of the person/family on the back of the piece(s) purchased.

§  As the puzzle pieces are purchased, we will take pictures to show the progress (how’s that for alliteration? Haha!).

§  When all the pieces have been purchased we will frame the puzzles to display in our home as a reminder of the support and love shown to us during the adoption process.

§  We’ll frame each completed puzzle in a two-sided frame to show not only the beautiful designs and pictures, but also the names of each and every person who played a role in this journey.

§  100% of the funds donated will go directly to adoption fees.

We are crazy about the idea and meaning behind this fundraiser, though we can’t take credit for the idea, as we found it on Pinterest (from this blog). We absolutely LOVE the idea of Samuel growing up looking at the puzzle-art on his wall that was designed with love by people wanting to support his cause...and then flipping it over to show him a tangible reminder of just how many people were helping to fight this battle to keep him home and safe with us. Oh man, it’s just so cool to think about, isn't it?

Soooooooo...If you and/or anyone you know would be interested in taking part in this adventure, we’ve set up a P.O. Box so that checks can be sent directly and there will be no privacy issues (just because of a safety-issue involved in our particular case). And, that way, we can all share this fundraiser with anyone willing to listen!

Checks can be sent directly to:

Steve and Liesl Irwin

P.O. Box 861211

Shawnee, KS 66286-1211 
** Update: We have moved as of January 2014, so this address is no longer valid; however, our legal battle continues. If you feel led to participate in this fundraiser, please comment with your email address and I'll be happy to send you our address! Or, you can also use paypal (info is below). Thanks so much!

**Update: If you prefer to use PayPal, our email address for that is liesllynn (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Please know that all money raised will go directly into our adoption fund to be used for our ongoing legal expenses involved in Samuel’s case. Also, I have to mention as I have before that we don’t know how this case will turn out. We do pray for complete victory and that we’ll have the privilege of raising Samuel as our son, as his brave and amazing birthmom chose us to do. But without this fundraising, we wouldn’t even be able to continue to fight this legal battle for that chance, so we are beyond grateful for you all. And we sure appreciate your continued prayers...more than you even know.

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19

Been Awhile...ok, a Looooong while...

Boy, has our life been a roller coaster. Not that that's anything new...life's been an adventure since we've been married (maybe I should have been more careful when I told Steve after our first date "I can't wait 'til our next adventure"). Haha.  This roller coaster has been an emotional one, but not one that I'd take with anyone else but my love, Steve. He is truly my God-given gift, and my rock here on earth.

Back when we had our last failed adoption, I dragged my feet in getting our Home Study update done (call it my 31-year-old version of a toddler tantrum). I was frustrated with God, and afraid to hope again. But as much as I begged God to give us peace about closing the door to adoption (crazy how closing the door to a dream of parenthood sounded much easier than hoping and being disappointed again, huh? But it did)...God never gave us the peace to give up. So we contacted our social worker to come and do our "update" interview. That day, our life changed as well. We were called with a foster care placement of a 10-day-old baby boy. One that would change our world for the better, and one that would stay with us for almost 10 glorious months. Dillon changed our lives, and we've been so blessed to be welcomed as family by his birth family...we still are close to them and look forward to maintaining that wonderful relationship and watching precious Dillon grow up!  The day he went home to his birthdad was a bittersweet day for us, but literally as we were walking out the door of their house (praising God that it was not a "forever" goodbye!), we got a call for another foster placement. This time, a one-week-old baby girl, baby "E." Oh, how we loved her as well, and we were blessed to have her in our home for almost 2 months before she was moved to another foster home in Missouri where her siblings were staying. I won't lie and say I don't want to keep every single kiddo that comes into our home, but we praise God for the opportunity to love these kids while we have the chance and pray for our family to be expanded with "forever kiddos" one day soon.  Which leads to the next adventure.

The week after Dillon went home to his Daddy and Grandparents, we got a call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach. We'd been chosen again by a birthmom, and she wanted to "interview" us via Skype that day.  August 29, 2012, will be a day that I will remember forever. I'd scheduled a facial that morning, and got the call when I was on my way out there. I called Steve to give him a brief rundown before my appointment, and then thought about this incredible news throughout my entire one-hour facial. It was surreal.  I got home and the rest of the day was a blur. We had another phone conference (for something else) immediately before our Skype call with this birthmother, and the events of that day just FLEW by.  When we began our Skype call with "H," it was as if I was talking to a dear friend...I felt like we hit it off that quickly (at least that's how it was on our side...I can't speak for "H," haha!).  She is one of the most fabulous women I have known, and what I'd always hoped for in a birthmother for an open adoption. We pursued open adoption for a reason, to build a relationship with the birth families of our precious babies, and the fact that "H" feels like my sister could not be any more special and perfect.

A couple weeks later, September 11, I went down to Tulsa (with 3 1/2 week old baby "E" in tow) to meet "H" in person for the first time. Again, it was like I was meeting a dear friend. I got to go to a Dr. Appt. with her and then we had a coffee date...I seriously did not want our time to end. She gave me ultrasound pictures to take home with me, pictures of the most handsome baby boy I'd ever seen in utero. Can't even describe what a blessing she's been to us since the first time we talked.  We headed to Tulsa on October 7th, in preparation for the arrival of this precious baby boy.  Our day on Monday, October 8th, was one I'll never forget. We spent the entire day at the hospital with "H's" family, who are now our family. Her sister and her two adorable kiddos, her Mom and Stepdad, her Dad, and her best friend. They welcomed us with open arms and our relationship with them has been a dream come true ever since that day. At 5:25pm, Samuel Steven entered the world and was welcomed into a wonderful, huge, blended, loving family. He was 6 lbs, 19.5 inches long, and pure perfection. Even more awesome, he was born on our 7th wedding anniversary! I love how God puts His stamp on things.

Unfortunately, as has been the case with our entire journey to parenthood, the road became bumpy. Samuel's birthfather has contested the adoption and we are currently in a legal battle to keep this precious baby.  I cannot post details about the case (including why we are so adamant about keeping Samuel safe and in our home and out of a violent situation which brought about the adoption plan to begin with), but we are currently praying for God to work in a mighty way and that we'll have the privilege of raising this precious boy! Every day with him so far has been a blessing, and we fall more in love with him each day!

Who needs lies when we can have Truth?

Satan is the father of lies.  It’s been that way since the beginning.  In Genesis 3:1, it says “Now the serpent [Satan] was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made.”  His main goal is to steal and destroy (John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full).  One of the ways Satan can attack us and steal our joy, purpose, and worse – our ability to focus on God’s purposes for our lives – is to feed us lies.  He’s been feeding me some doozies lately, especially with regards to our most recent failed adoption.

The good news?  God’s word offers truth to counter each of these lies.  I need to cling to the truth of His word more than anything right now.  Don’t get me wrong, God has not promised us a child (like he did Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 17), but I don’t feel like He’s calling us to close the door yet.  I certainly don’t want to “stiff-arm” my way to motherhood if God has a completely different purpose (which, btw, is always best) for my life. I’ve been seeking Him to really examine my heart and show me very clearly if He’s asking us to give up this dream.  The tough thing with our miscarriage and 2 failed adoptions is that they don’t necessarily mean He’s saying “no.” It could be an opportunity for us to trust Him beyond our circumstances.  But, on the other hand, if He is telling us “no,” I want to listen.  So far, I don’t feel a peace about closing that door…so I’m asking Him to make it very clear to us if He wants us to do so.  Here are some of the lies Satan has been throwing at me, and – more important – the truth God gives to counter them.  This is probably more for me than for anyone reading, but I want to have a tangible reminder of God’s words to cling to (and throw in the enemy’s face).

Lie:


“What a waste.” 

Currently, this lie is mostly targeted on the fact that we now have to update our adoption home study again (it expires November 2^nd).  Frustrating for two reasons…it reminds us that another 12 months have passed while we still wait with empty arms, and in our particular case 7 of those 12 months were spent waiting on an adoption that didn’t end up happening.  We were “off the market” for 7 months since we were chosen by a birthmom who ended up changing her mind.  I will be honest and say that this fear was actually the very first thing that came to my mind when we got that call back in March saying we’d been chosen by a birthmom (yay!) and she wasn’t due until October (yikes!).  Human side of me says “wasted time”…truth is that God is not surprised by any of this. This home study update (as well as having to re-do our lifebook, background checks, etc) costs a pretty hefty chunk of change.  We’re not rolling in dough right now (and no, I don’t blame Wall Street…I guess I’m not on board with all that "occupy" stuff...but that’s a whole ‘nother issue). Nevertheless, my selfish humanness thinks about how many “better things” we should be spending that money on.

Truth:

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:19


Pssst: God promises us riches, but not of the sort we're used to pursuing here on earth. The riches God blesses us with are spiritual riches, namely the grace of Jesus Christ and the spiritual benefits of following him (wise words, taken from here).

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”
-Matthew 6:33

Pssst: This does not mean He will provide me with an iPhone, or a new laptop, or a great vacation…He really means “needs” here  J

Lie:


“Can you really put your heart into the hands of some girl and not expect her to break it?” 

I have struggled with the feelings that “we’re too far away from Tulsa to really make a difference with CPO’s ministry” and “it will get harder and harder to really invest (emotionally) in these birthmoms as much as I want to as trust gets broken again and again.”  After all, I could never do what they are doing, so how can I not expect it to fall through each time?  Pinning hopes on any human is a sure-way to be disappointed.  But I know these feelings are Satan’s sneaky attempts to thwart an awesome God-orchestrated story that will (hopefully) reach even beyond our wildest dreams.

Truth:

We can trust God with our hearts. 

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart [see, he can be trusted with our hearts!], and do not lean on your own understanding [this is a very good thing, because I don’t so much understand right now]. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.”
- Proverbs 3:5-6

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
-1 Peter 5:7

So, this post is full of brutal honesty (and not necessarily things I’m proud of…just being real here).  I wish I could say I had as much grace as people think they see in me lately, but the truth is, I am full of many questions and not a whole lot of answers.  However, I refuse to let the enemy feed me lies when I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can even imagine, whether I’m “feeling” it or not.  Thank you, Lord, for giving us the truth of your Word that never fails to counteract the enemy’s lies.  I choose truth.  I choose You.

Blessings...

"Blessings"

By Laura Story

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

Sometimes He Calms the Storm...

...and other times He calms His child (lyrics from Scott Krippayne).  We received a phone call this morning from CPO with the news that "J" had sent them a text message letting them know that she has changed her mind.  Failed adoption numero dos for the Irwins (so far, we're 0 for 3 in this parenting thing...1 miscarried pregnancy and 2 failed adoptions).  We are - of course - sad, and confused, and frustrated, and confused (oh, did I already say that?), but we also are 100% in support of "J's" decision.  This little guy was not our baby, and although we really hoped that we would be blessed with the opportunity to parent him, we fully stand behind "J" in this decision.  We also stand by our resolve to praise God when we win, and praise God when we lose (we got that quote from the movie Facing the Giants...if you haven't seen it yet, you totally should).  As hard as it was to get the phone call this morning, we actually see it as an answer to prayer.  We have been in the midst of a 2-week period of no communication from "J" and were becoming a bit anxious that this little guy's due date on the 13th would come and go, and we'd be left wondering.  It was hard to get the phone call from CPO this morning, but it would have been so much harder had "J" simply disappeared entirely.  Last night, as I was browsing through Pinterest (my latest fun pasttime), I came across a picture of Romans 12:12 written on a piece of paper.  When Steve woke up to go to work, I showed it to him, commenting on how perfect it was as we were waiting in the midst of a lot of unknowns.  It says:

"Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer"

I cling to that even now.  We are in no way giving up on this journey of becoming parents through adoption, and we are excitedly jumping right back into foster parenting with both feet as well (we'd put ourselves on hold for a bit, as the trip to Oklahoma for our pending adoption approached).  We absolutely love what CPO is doing through their ministry to birthmoms and are so glad to be involved with them, and will continue to be.  We still cling to the truth of the Bible that our God is awesome, sovereign, loving, and good.  All the time.  Even when we don't understand, even when we aren't necessarily "feeling it," we know that He is good.  Now that doesn't mean that we're happy with how things turned out, or that we aren't disappointed that our 3 1/2 year journey has been delayed yet again, nor does it take away the sting of the many upcoming babies happening among our family/friends as we continue to wait on something God has not yet revealed to us.  BUT...we can take a cue from Paul in Philippians 4:11-13 when he says, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength"  (and this dude was in prison as an innocent man, wrongly accused, when he wrote this!  If he can do it in those circumstances, we certainly can rejoice amidst ours)!

I spent most of the morning revising our Lifebook ("J" has the only hard copy, and we need to send a new one so CPO can start showing our profile to prospective birthmoms again).  Luckily, CPO has us create our Lifebooks in Shutterfly, so they are easy to reproduce.  Our current Lifebook was done last year after we moved to Kansas, so it was full of pictures with Norman.  Unfortunately, I had to replace all those pictures, since Norman is no longer with us (talk about adding salt to the wound, huh?).  It is all ready to go now, and we'll get it ordered/sent tonight or tomorrow.  Then, we wait...again.

We've been so blessed by the prayers, encouragement, support, virtual hugs, and excitement from our family and friends as we've been on this latest adoption journey these past 7 months since being chosen by "J."  We certainly appreciate all of it, and we are really doing ok.  We have a 6th anniversary to celebrate tomorrow, and although we'd hoped to be celebrating under different circumstances, we still have so much that we're thankful for.  God has brought us through so much these past 6 years, and I know there will be many more trials and tough times.  That's life, ya know?  The difference is that we have an incredible hope, and boy, has that hope been made more real to me in the past few years than ever.  We've been able to live in the knowledge that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7).  That is the only way I can describe the peace we feel, because it sure isn't coming from us...we'd be wrecks if we didn't have it.

Still praising our God...

Finally...the Moment We've Been Waiting For...

This has been announced on Facebook, and elsewhere, but I need to make it "Blog Official." Mostly because I want to use this as a memory book of sorts, so I need to be sure it's recorded here!! After lots and lots (and lots) of waiting in our journey to become parents...we have been chosen by a birthmom!! It seems to get more and more real as the due date gets closer, so I figured I'd better get this recorded on the blog pronto!

We actually got the call back on March 27th. We found out there was a birthmother that picked us, and was due this fall. Whew, what a wait! We are so, so thankful for "J" and the gift she is giving us...a baby boy! He's due October 13th. Just 5 1/2 weeks away! Since we found out so early, and haven't had a lot of communication (bummer...we are still praying that we can build a relationship with our amazing birthmom and her family), it just hasn't seemed very real. Now, things are getting closer, and we are having a hard time keeping our excitement at bay. We are cautiously optimistic, and continue to pray for "J," her family, and, of course our sweet baby boy!

Another answer to prayer is that we get to meet "J" next week! We pray that she will see the light of Christ in us, and that there will be peace for everyone involved based on this meeting. It's such a blessing to be able to meet our birthmom before this little guy is born, and we pray that God can use us in "J's" life so that she knows just how loved she is by our family. Anyone that knows me knows that I just want to smother her with love, encouragement, and affirmation, but the road of open adoption is a tricky one. We have to really be sensitive to "J's" needs/wants/desires and make sure that above all else, she is comfortable with the relationship that we have, no matter how open it is.

I'll leave you all with some answers to the most common questions/comments we've been getting. Thank you for being a part of this journey! This is just the beginning!

Do you have a name picked out?
We have been slow on this one. I think we've just been really guarded about the whole thing, and it is a big job to name a child! We have given him a couple nicknames up to this point, as I have enjoyed playing up his meteorologist daddy. We've been calling him "Hale Storm Irwin" and "Storm Chasen Irwin"...haha! These are not the real names we're considering at this point...hehe. We are close to settling on a name, but we're going to see if "J" wants to have any input. We'd definitely be open to that! We've also decided to keep the name a surprise, so once we do actually decide...you will just have to wait in suspense! :) Don't worry...not much longer!

You'll probably get pregnant now that you're adopting.
Oh man, if I had a quarter for every time someone said that to me. :) Everyone seems to "know someone who knows someone" that has adopted and then subsequently conceived a biological child. This could definitely happen (especially since we've had no proven infertility), but it is actually statistically not common. This is one of those myths that can give the wrong impression, so I wanted to "debunk" it here. Even if it were the case, we'd hate for our adopted child to ever think that he or she was simply the catalyst we used in order to have biological children. We've always said that our desire, first and foremost, is to be parents, regardless of how God chooses to build our family. Although most people that make the comment that "you'll probably have your 'own' child now" are well-meaning, it can give the implication that our adopted children were not our first choice. We can't wait to see how God builds our family, and hope that our friends and family understand what a blessing adoption is in its own right. Adoption is definitely not "Plan B" for us :)

What if "J" changes her mind?
Well, that is definitely a possibility. Adoption is never a sure thing. That is one reason why we are so invested in caring for the birthmom first. We want to be sure she knows we're 100% behind her in any decision she makes. The bottom line is, this is her baby first. We would be absolutely honored if she entrusts us with this sweet boy, but we also understand that we are not entitled to him by any means. This is one roller coaster that we are happy to be on for the long haul. We continuously pray that God keeps our focus outward, and not on ourselves. Some days this is easier than others, but He is faithful, and we can trust our hearts to His care. No matter what happens in this situation, He's got our backs. How awesome is that?

That's all I can think of for now, but if anyone has questions, please don't hesitate to ask! We love educating people about open adoption (as we've had a lot to learn, and will continue to learn along the way). It's such an incredible thing to be a part of, and we wouldn't change our journey to parenthood, regardless of the twists and turns we've had over the past 3 1/2 years.

More updates to come! We're so excited to meet "J" next week, and we definitely appreciate your prayers as we continue this journey to our first child!

At long last...the call that {almost} changed our lives forever...

Well, now that it's been almost 4 months since this occurred, I'd better document it for my patient reader(s?) :) You may remember from this post, that Steve and I had a pretty exciting several days back in January. We'd just had a great day at the park Cross Country Skiing and enjoying God's amazing creation and were at home relaxing and watching some Jeopardy (I know...another wild afternoon at the Irwin's place!). My cell phone rang and it was the director of CPO (our agency)...she was needing a copy of our original home study, because she couldn't find it. She said that they were getting pretty busy, and she wanted to be sure she had immediate access to our file, rather than continuing to look for her other copy. "No problem," I said, feeling so great to be in touch with them again. As you probably remember, our agency's primary purpose is as a ministry to birthmoms in crisis pregnancies. Many of these birthmoms choose adoption plans for their babies, so they need to have families for these babies - "providing families for babies, not babies for families." Anyway, since they are taking such great care of these birthmoms (CPO supports these girls through either choice: parenting or an adoption plan, which is one of the things I just love about them), coupled with the fact that we are out of the Tulsa area, we don't get to be as involved with them as we'd like to be. This also means that we can feel "out of the loop" in many ways. We completely stand behind CPO and their ministry, so we understand that it's not about us...it's about these girls. But still, it was so nice to hear Cheryl's voice, reconnect, and get to talk to her for a bit.

After I hung up the phone, I actually lamented to Steve a little bit (warning: selfishness creeping in here). I mentioned that I'd finally been able to stop constantly thinking about our adoption and becoming a mom, etc. and had begun enjoying life and "moving on," I guess you could say. My way of protecting my heart after almost 3 years of disappointment, I suppose. Either way, I don't ever want to "move on" or stop thinking about our adoption, because even if we don't know our birthmom yet, we still need to be praying for her every day! I think there is a big difference between contentment in our "now" and just flat out not trusting that God's best is really the best, regardless of how it compares with my perceived "best." I was definitely leaning more toward the not trusting God, and just conceding that He didn't care about me or my desires so I should just give up.

Anyhow...so we started making arrangements to fax Cheryl an extra copy of our home study and went on with our evening. Then things got interesting :) She called again about 20 minutes later and told us the actual reason behind needing our home study so quickly. There was a birthmom who was basically due that day, and she wanted to make an adoption plan. Her parents didn't even know about the pregnancy and she wanted to keep it that way. Cheryl said she (birthmom) was in touch with the CPO Doula (how cool is it that they provide a doula for these girls?!) and that the doula (Lisa) would be in touch with us soon to give us an update. Steve and I looked at each other in shock, and started making phone calls - just to our parents at that point. It was so fun to tell them that they might be grandparents so soon!! We were in a state of shock, and sort of panicked about what we still didn't have and needed. We made a trip to Target while in a bit of a cloud, I filled in our HR manager and my Team Lead about the possibility of us needing to head to Tulsa soon, and we picked up a few onesies and bottles...we had no idea what we needed to bring. After a few conversations with Lisa throughout the next day, we decided it was time for us to drive to Tulsa. We were so blessed to be welcomed into the Wyatt's home again (they were the ones that hosted us during the Waiting Families Workshop in November).

As we got to Tulsa, things were still so crazy and up in the air. The only contact that any of us had with this birthmom (BM) was over Facebook and/or email...I think Lisa had talked with her on the phone. It was a heartbreaking story (normally, I wouldn't be disclosing any of this, but once you get to the end of this post, you'll realize why it's ok). During that next couple days, things started getting a bit strange, and pieces of this story were falling apart. I won't go into details, but even as I think about the whole situation now - 4 months later - I still am so impressed with what a very believable, intricate story it was, and how things seemed to unfold and progress so naturally. As you can probably guess by now, it was not a case of the birthmother changing her mind (which is definitely a possibility in any open adoption, and we would completely support a birthmom in her decision to parent), it was a complete scam. But, here's the amazing thing. God protected our hearts in such a huge way! We went down to Tulsa with the attitude of supporting this particular BM, and not even focusing on the possibility of becoming parents. We had a strong prayer support system during those several days, and we could just feel God's peace. I think the most upset I got at the end was strictly embarrassment for "falling for" a scam...and it was short-lived. You see, there are enough "unbelievable" stories out there that do end up being completely real, that it is just too much of a risk not to support these girls when they need it. And though this particular case was a scam in terms of a fake birthmother, the fact that someone was reaching out for help remains unchanged. I pray that she - whomever she is - still saw the light of Christ in us. I just can't regret showing love to someone that clearly was reaching out for it. Another blessing was that it gave me an opportunity to talk with a birthmom for the first time (real or not), which can be an intimidating idea. And we could put our actions where our mouths have been this entire time. We of course want to be parents, but the whole reason we signed on with this particular agency is that we want to partner with them in their ministry to these birthmoms, whether we are blessed with a baby or not. God gave us a chance to actually demonstrate that.

So there you have it. The call that {almost} changed our lives. So much changed as a result of that one phone call. And although it didn't change our lives the way in which we always envisioned "the call," it refocused our perspective on God's plan for us to become parents. We now remember how important it is to pray consistently for our birthmom(s) and our future child(ren), even though the who/when/etc. details are not yet completely tangible. We were able to continue moving forward with the process of becoming licensed foster parents. We have taken the opportunity to prepare for a child to come into our home, rather than "let's just not think about it until it seems like more of a sure thing." Oh, and we also got to spend a few days with a pretty incredible family...

God is Good - ALL the time!

¹³ You created every part of me;
you put me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because you are to be feared;
all you do is strange and wonderful.
I know it with all my heart.
¹⁵ When my bones were being formed,
carefully put together in my mother's womb,
when I was growing there in secret,
you knew that I was there
¹⁶ you saw me before I was born.
The days allotted to me
had all been recorded in your book,
before any of them ever began.

Psalm 139:13 - 16

Still Waiting...

I know I've kept you all in suspense of the call that (almost) changed our lives forever...and I apologize that the suspense will continue for a bit longer. It worked, though, didn't it? I'll post about that soon, I promise. But today, March 15, 2011, is the day marking seven months of waiting for the call. The one that really will change our lives forever. Seven months down, unknown number of months (weeks...days...years?) to go. Uff da, the open-ended nature of adoption is tough (yup, I said uff da...proud Scandinavian here). I'm not gonna lie. Even as we rejoice with our friends that become pregnant and have babies, or even our other "waiting" friends who are chosen by birth parents and then bring their sweet babies home (and please don't misunderstand me, we ABSOLUTELY do rejoice with them...God is SO good!), it sure is hard to wait. And keep waiting. And wait some more. Especially since our wait actually started long ago, when we lost the dream of parenthood the first time back in May 2008 when we miscarried.

As we see it happen for "everyone else" (I know, I know...not everyone else), it sometimes feels like we are on the playground at recess waiting to be picked for a team, and watching person after person be selected as we stand in the line waiting, hoping to be good enough to be chosen. That's the raw honesty of it. Open-ended waiting sucks. We have no due date. No excitement of decorating a baby's room (since we have no idea when our baby will be here and/or even if we will still be living in this apartment). No baby showers. No doctor's appointments. Not even shopping for baby clothes (since we don't know what season to buy for). Just lots of waiting.

Man, that part of God's refining is not fun, is it? Of course, the fact that I'm handling this wait so incredibly well (hehe...note sarcasm) could very well be a reason we are still waiting...God is doing some big, hard, wonderful, painful, amazing, wouldn't-change-it-for-anything refining in my heart as we go through the process of preparing for this awesome challenge of parenthood. It goes from "well, the wait could be anywhere from a few days to a few years" (but what I really mean is that it will probably be closer to the "few days") to "oh crap, we really could be waiting a few years or longer" to "hmmmm...maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom. I really thought God gave me these gifts and desires, but maybe not...poor, poor me" to "no more pity party here, but maybe I really do just need to move on. Maybe God has something else out there for us and we are limiting Him because we just won't let this parenthood thing go." I have to constantly rest in God's truth and what I believe are promises He's given, otherwise I second guess everything. And believe me, I have. Feelings of doubt can rob us of so much, especially as we try to be diligent in waiting on Him for something we are confident He's promised us. Here's a quote from a great book I read that I felt like I could have written myself: "When I stood around talking with other women, I felt somewhat like an imposter. I was incomplete, not quite a part of them, having failed what I perceived as the true test of womanhood: the rite of motherhood." (taken from The Infertility Companion by Sandra L. Glahn, Th.M. and William R. Cutrer, MD).

Infertility (or "delayed parenthood," as I like to call it in our case...since all of our infertility tests came back normal) does crazy things to a woman who has a strong desire for children. It can turn motherhood into an idol. It can cause her to be prone to schizophrenic tendencies, where it seems that everyone who posts about their kids or pregnancies is directing it straight at her saying "see what I have that you can't have?" It can cause her to isolate herself from people that she loves, because it hurts to be around them and she just doesn't feel like she fits in because she's not "one of them." And then as she cringes when friends tell her "I'm pregnant!" she feels awful because she wishes she could have that head-over-heels excitement she used to have (like a real friend should have, right?) instead of feeling like she just got punched in the stomach again. Again, raw honesty here.

So...how can we find hope and encouragement, even during an agonizing wait for something we trust that God has promised us? And it could be anything, not just motherhood. This is simply my current challenge...there have been many others and I'm sure there will be many more as life is filled with refining fires. These past couple months, I've been blessed with an amazing group of ladies at a Tuesday morning Bible study as we learn about Abraham. We're going through Anne Graham Lotz's book The Magnificent Obsession and it's all about Abraham's journey as he longed to know God more intimately. He waited on God's promises to him (one of which was to be a father and have descendants too numerous to count) even as those promises seemed extremely far-fetched (he and his wife Sarah were old!) and didn't necessarily make sense based on what the circumstances were at the time. Abraham was carried through by his faith in the truth of who God was (is). He dropped everything to go where God told Him to go...even if it meant leaving his home, his possessions, and everything he'd ever known! And even as He exercised great faith, there were times that he acted on feelings instead of truth (and took matters into his own hands), which turned out to be clearly away from God's path. We so often say "oh don't worry, God, I got this...I'm not sure You can handle this the way it should be handled." But what we (at least I) tend to really be saying is "I'm not sure I can trust you since my circumstances just don't seem to line up with what I'm wanting to happen." Or, if we are really honest with ourselves, we might be saying "I'm not sure I'm going to like what You have for me, so I am going to force things to go my way instead." Oh, the blessings we could be robbing ourselves of when we look right past God's truth, God's character, and God's promises and settle for good enough, instead of God's best.

As we are on this journey and sometimes can be overtaken by doubt, self-pity, or just plain frustration that things aren't happening the way (or the speed) that we'd like (and this can be applied to anything...I just use our journey to parenthood as an example), we have to remember the truth of God's character, His wisdom, His divine authority, and His incredible love for us. And if we truly want to be walking with God (which I absolutely do), we have to walk in the same direction and at the same pace (great snippet from Anne Graham Lotz). Lord, please help me to walk contently with You in your direction and at your pace.

November Adventures…

Whew! What a whirlwind of a month! This is gonna be a long one, I'm warning ya. November 2010 probably ranks up there with one of my favorites of all time, I think. It started with a visit from my sweet cousin Chelsie, who is now 21 and has grown into such an incredible young woman. I just love her. I babysat her when I was a teenager (she was definitely one of my favorite sitting jobs) and I am so thankful that we have stayed close (gotten closer, even!) as we’ve gotten older. What a blessing to have family that you can honestly say are friends, too! While Chelsie was here, we spent some time at the park (of course). We hiked about 5 miles on a beautiful day. Here we are at an overlook at the top of our hike.

Chelsie is tall! Not that it takes much to be taller than me. I think I am the shortest of all of the Larson cousins, even though I am far from the youngest...I say they took all the tall genes, haha. Here are some more pictures of our Shawnee Mission Park excursion.

This picture was taken with my camera lens half closed, but it actually turned out pretty neat!

Don't worry, I have now put a new digital camera on my Amazon Wish List. My 7 year old Kodak Easy Share is no longer cutting it. Hehe.

Chelsie and I also had some tasty cooking adventures (poor Steve missed out since he's on a different meal schedule with his crazy sleep schedule). We made some gluten-free stuffed green peppers, and they were delicious! See?

The best part about Chelsie’s visit was that I didn’t have to say goodbye to her when it was time for her to go home…I just went with her! Chelsie, Norman, and I had a road trip to MN! It was so great to have company for the 7 hour trip up there. We had some great talks, and wonderful laughs. We also decided that we are going to run a half marathon next August. I don’t know, maybe I was delirious from being on the road for so long? But I’m sticking to it…we’re even trying to get some of the other Larson cousins to join us (with limited success so far…hmmmm). The cool thing is that the race route goes through our own hometown, within a block of my parents’ house, and right by Chelsie’s parents’ house (so our family can give us Snickers bars as we pass the 11 mile mark set up a little cheer party there). It should be a great time…anyone want to join us??

Ok, so back to the MN trip. I hadn’t been there in over a year, so I had quite an agenda and still didn’t get to see everyone I wanted to. I was able to get some important visits in, though! On Thursday, I got to see my cousin swim in the section swim meet (go Amy!), after having dinner with my aunt, my brother and his wife, and my dad. Friday, my mom and I had a fun afternoon shopping together, and we were able to meet up with my friend Julie whom I haven’t seen in 3 years (she has had 2 kids since then!). Julie was one of my bridesmaids and is probably one of my oldest longest friends. We were in kindergarten together! I love my friendship with Julie because it’s the type that, no matter how long it’s been, just picks up where we left off. Love that girl!

Friday night, I helped my dad cover their motorhome (with a 30’ x 50’ tarp…in the dark…we made memories…haha). We had to be sure to get it covered because overnight, we were looking to experience the first snowfall of the season in MN! Norman and Rosie (my parents’ 15 year old greyhound/lab mix) loved it!

Norman and Rosie get along so well…though I’m not sure Norman is a huge fan of Rosie sleeping in his bed.

Now I usually am not a fan of driving in snow, but that 8 inches sure wasn’t going to stop me from a breakfast date at the Mall of America with one of my besties, Kazia. She and I go way back…all the way to a junior high slumber party. Kazia is the friend that could talk me into all sorts of crazy adventurous things back in high school, and we have such a history together. We’ve supported each other through so many things over the past 17(!!) years, and I am so thankful for her. Here is the gorgeous Kazia and her yummy Cinnabon treat (did you know they now make “just the middle” as a menu choice? That is, after all, the best part of any Cinnabon). My mouth is watering just uploading this photo…

I was also able to join some of my family for their traditional Sunday lunch at Perkins. They go there every week after church. Here are my cute grandparents. I just love them! Such a great example of an awesome Godly marriage…60 years and going strong!

After lunch, we headed back to “the farm” to see my grandparents’ newly-remodeled bedroom (their kids did a sort of “Extreme Makeover Home Edition” for their anniversary gift) and spend some more time together. See how adorable my grandpa is…doting over his beloved.

Sunday night, I was able to meet another one of my besties for dinner at one of our favorite Mexican restaurants (yay for Margaritas!). My friend Stephanie and I were the 1999-2000 Miss Richfield Ambassador Princesses…whew…10 years ago already! Our year was honestly a bit of a “dud” for the program as we were stuck in the midst of a coordinator switch with little direction (they have since picked back up and are going strong again! Yay!), but I have to say my friendship with Steph is the best thing I could have gotten out of that year. She has become one of my best friends and we, too, have been through a lot together over these 10 years. She has become such a blessing to me and I am honored to call her a friend and sister in Christ.

Monday morning, I had coffee with a friend that I haven’t seen since high school! That’s over 10 years, people! Man, it was great to reconnect with her and hear about what God is doing in her life. Thanks for the great coffee date, Krickey Mae! After she had to leave for work, I stayed at the Mall (yes, I was at the Mall of America again…and I already miss it!) and met my BFF Gretchen and her little boy Aden (who had his 6 month shots that morning…poor thing). Gretch and I had a day full of adventures. Since Aden was in the car sleeping and we needed some more drive time, I hopped in and we made the trip to White Castle…YUM!

Oh my goodness, their sliders are incredible. And they’ve also started making sweet potato fries, which of course we had to try! After our tummies were pleasantly full, we headed to the Minnesota Zoo. It was chilly, but that wasn’t going to stop us from seeing the bears, beavers, wolves, and other animals on the trail. We also got to see the brand new baby dolphin! It was fun to be there pushing a stroller…can’t wait until it’s my kiddo in that stroller, though! When it was close to the zoo’s closing time, we headed back to the Mall (we had to, I promise…my car was still there) and got a little crazy. Gretchen’s hubby Ryan met us there (to be on baby patrol), so Gretch and I were able to go on a couple rides (pictures to come…they are on her camera) and we also got to try out the new Xbox Kinect as we danced the night away in front of a stunned captive audience. After Ryan was too embarrassed to be seen with us anymore needing to get home because he was tired after a long day at work, Gretchen and I wrapped up our day with some gelato and, of course, shopping. I couldn’t resist a couple cute outfits for the future baby Irwin (it’s hard to shop for a baby when you don’t know gender OR time of year he/she will be born…just sayin’). It was a great way to spend my last full day in MN.

After a morning walk with my parents and Rosie, and then breakfast with one of my theater buddies, Meredyth, we (Norman and I) hit the open road back to Kansas. We made it home just in time to see Steve before he headed off to dreamland. While we were gone, Steve had put up lots of fun pictures and did a lot around our apartment to make it more homey. I loved seeing what he’d been working so hard on all week! It was a quick turnaround, as I got home Tuesday night, and we left again Thursday morning…this time for our Waiting Families Workshop at CPO in Tulsa, OK. What a great weekend! We were hosted by the most amazing family. They actually haven’t adopted through CPO (they have 5 biological children, though), but they wanted to be a part of the ministry and have opened their home to families that come in from out of town. They even let us bring Norman! Their kids were so sweet and so respectful. And they LOVED Norman. Their middle boy Luke (who's 5) especially took a liking to him. We woke up Friday morning and as we were getting ready, we saw little fingers come under the door, passing along a doggie treat (which Norman was happy to eat). He also drew a few pictures for Norman and made the cutest little gift…a dog treat with a face drawn on it, gift-wrapped in a paper towel decorated with marker. Precious. These kids were so well behaved! They were very much kids and had tons of energy, but they were also such ladies and gentlemen. No arguments when their parents told them it was time to get PJs on, and sweet Luke even took Steve’s bowl for him after dinner! What a great host! We just latched on to everything we could while watching this family. I’m so glad God blessed us with new friends. Thank you, Wyatts, for opening your home to us for the weekend!

Our workshop was great. We were able to meet 16 other couples that are in the adoption process (actually, two already had their kiddos). It was so cool to listen to the different stories of how God brought each couple to CPO. Many already had children, and a few did not. Some had already been matched with birth moms, and most had not. There was even a couple that met with a birth mom while we were there that weekend! It just makes it so much more real and exciting that it could be us soon (we hope!). We were also so blessed to finally meet the director of CPO in person. What an incredible woman. She is such a servant and Christ’s love just radiates from her. She is funny, blunt, feisty, genuine, and such a Godly woman. After our workshop, we were even more excited to be a part of the ministry. I sure wish we lived closer so we could be even more involved. The workshop covered basically everything it could, from adopting a baby in the NICU, to trans-racial adoptions, to relationships with birth moms. They even brought in the attorney that we’ll use (for both birth parents’ termination of rights, as well as adoption finalization) and she has such a heart for these girls. They also brought in the doctor that takes care of the girls during their pregnancy (an awesome Christian guy who also has a clear love for this ministry) and the therapist (loved her!). We heard from several birth moms, adoptive families, and even some adults that were adopted (as infants) through CPO. Such a neat thing to hear all of the different perspectives. These birth moms are amazing to choose life for their babies, especially in a society when an unplanned pregnancy is often seen as an inconvenience that can be easily terminated. They are truly heroes, no matter what their story is. As the director says, “I couldn’t even give someone a kitten, much less a child,” so what these girls are doing is the most self-less thing, carrying a baby to term, knowing she is going to be placing that baby in someone else’s arms in order for that child to have a life that she isn’t able to provide right now. Just awe-inspiring.

Wow, so that’s our November so far. Super busy, and 100% wonderful. Things should slow down for a bit now…the next adventure up is the great 2010 Irwin Christmas Tree hunt. Stay tuned!

Where to start??

Whew, what a month! Our lives have been completely turned around (for the better) and we are loving it! Steve ended up with TWO job offers, but ultimately, the Kansas City job was a much better fit. He loved the Huntsville area, and it was a strong company, but he opted for the position that would give him experience better suited for a possible future (down the road, God-willing) with the National Weather Service as a forecaster, rather than digging further and further into the research and computer side of Meteorology. And my goodness, did he make the right choice! He is learning so much and getting some pretty incredible training with some amazing people. There are so many positives about this move that I can hardly even list them. We are much closer to my family (it cut the distance basically in half), I am not working full-time anymore (PRAISE GOD!), God provided an awesome apartment that is within walking distance to the most beautiful park (seriously…miles and miles of trails for walking/running/biking/horseback riding. It even has a Hot Air Balloon launch field! What?!), I am not working, Steve loves his job and is being challenged, Norman is much more comfortable in our new apartment, and did I mention…I’m not working?! I am just feeling so blessed by this new life…I feel like after 5 years of marriage (we just celebrated our 5th Anniversary October 8th) we are just getting started on the life of which we have dreamed. And it affirms that our decision to send Steve back to school for this second bachelor’s degree was the right one. God has provided confirmation after confirmation for us, and how cool is that? So anyways…about our new life…

Steve got the job offer(s) while I was in New York last month, so we had to basically consult via phone regarding this decision that would affect our lives in a pretty huge way. The positive side of that…although I was more than happy to leave many parts of my job, I was also very reluctant to leave it (I worked at the most amazing company, with the most amazing people, making a very decent salary with amazing benefits and perks)…so being in New York helped me escape the reality of “oh my goodness, I need to turn in a 2 week notice!” Yes, you read that right…Steve’s new company wanted him to start October 1st (we were able to push them out to the 4th). Not much time to wrap things up in OKC, that’s for sure! But we knew it would happen quickly when it happened, and certainly weren’t complaining about things, because STEVE HAD A JOB!! My trip to New York ended up being a pretty awesome “last hurrah” for my life as a career woman, because I got to fly out on the jet!

We were riding in style!

This is my sweet co-worker. I miss seeing her every day...she is such a wise woman of God!

Needless to say, commercial air travel will never be the same for me again. Haha!

Here is another awesome thing we saw in NY. God’s creation is breathtaking!

Our last two weeks in Oklahoma were quite a whirlwind. It happened to include the only two weekends that we actually had made plans (go figure). Steve’s folks arrived in OK the day I returned from NY, as we had been planning to go to the OU vs. Air Force game that weekend (Steve’s dad is an Air Force Academy graduate) and they ended up being a tremendous help. Steve’s mom is probably the best packer I know. She was a life saver in helping me get the kitchen, pantry, knick knacks, and many other things wrapped securely and packed (did I mention she is FAST?!). We could not have done this move without them. For reals. They were with us through the weekend and then went back to CA knowing that in just about 9 days, they’d be back. That is the best way to say goodbye…knowing they will be back soon! Then, the following weekend, we had already planned a Kansas City weekend with some members of my family. It is a great “halfway point” between MN and OKC, so many Kansas City weekends happened with various family and friends during our 4 years in Oklahoma. Even though the timing was a bit crazy, I knew I’d probably actually need a weekend of just relaxing, playing some cards, watching football, and laughing with my people, so we kept it on. And I am so glad we did. We were also able to take a car load of stuff up to our new apartment! Nice! Thanks, Dad, for helping us unload that first car load!

When we returned to Oklahoma City that Monday, the rest of the week is seriously a blur. I was blessed to have great groups of friends in Oklahoma and I was trying to cram as much time in with them as I could…and it still just wasn’t enough. I sure miss them! Another plus of being in Kansas City…it’s not far to go back to OK for a visit either! I worked the rest of the week (my final week at Chesapeake…bittersweet), and Steve’s folks came out again for the remainder of the packing/loading/moving extravaganza. We filled a 26-foot truck, people! How in the world can a couple that has been married only 5 years fill a 26-foot truck, plus three (actually, four, including our pre-move trip) carloads of stuff?! Phew! Which explains my new part-time job, for the time being. SELL STUFF! I am having a blast just being able to “nest” in our new home, and simplify our lives by selling/donating things. It is just an awesome feeling.

Steve’s parents were again instrumental in the tail-end of the move as well. Have I mentioned that our new apartment is on the 3rd floor?? God bless the guys as they made numerous trips up those stairs with very heavy things. Steve’s mom was also extremely helpful in keeping Norman safe and happy. The poor pair was holed up in one of the bedrooms for much of two days. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mommers Irwin! I wanted to start the unpacking/nesting later that week (after the folks left), so on Monday, instead of unpacking, I decided to introduce my MIL to one of my absolute favorite parts of the Kansas City area…Country Club Plaza! We had such a fun day together, shopping, eating, lots of walking, and just enjoying each other’s company. I am so blessed to have ILs that I absolutely love.

Now that we have been here for a couple weeks, we are adjusting quite well. I am, of course, loving staying at home and getting our apartment in order, and Steve is doing great at his new job. His first two weeks consisted of training on the day shift before he switched over (this week) to his normal shift…1:00 am to 9:30 am. Crazy, huh? We got some killer blackout curtains (two layers, actually), and Steve even came up with the idea of using Velcro to attach them to the wall so that no light can leak through. It’s a pretty cool system, if I do say so myself (sorry, honey, for giving you a hard time about it pre-installation...you were right)! It’s pretty neat to have Steve come home around 10:00 am and have the day together (well, until he has to start getting ready for bed at around 4:00 pm). On Monday, we went to the park right after he got home and enjoyed a 3 mile walk! I love having him home during the day.

Today, we had our Home Study Update visit with a new Social Worker (our current adoption Home Study was done in Oklahoma, and we need to have it updated now that our living/job situation has changed…it now needs to be done by someone licensed in Kansas, hence today’s visit with a new Social Worker). We are now in the paper chase (abbreviated version) again as we wait for the Kansas Background Checks to clear and our new home study to be written up and sent to the agency. We are still able to use the same adoption agency, and we are so glad to be able to continue the process with them. We are sort of “on hold” while we wait for our home study to be updated, etc. (they can’t show our profile to birthmoms that are due anytime soon, just in case our home study update isn’t completed in time)…hopefully not for too long, though! And even though it stinks to have this delay, we knew from the beginning that this was likely, and I feel such a peace about where we are now. One thing we know for sure is that God is in complete control of the process, so it’s not like we are going to miss the child He has for us, ya know? Plus, it’s nice to not be “up in the air” anymore. We are here for awhile (at least) and can make our home here with confidence until God leads us somewhere else. And the bottom line is, each day we are closer to meeting our baby, and I could not be more excited for that!

Wow…this post has gotten long, but there have been so many things to update you all on! Let me know if you want our new contact info (I can send it via email). In the meantime, I have no excuses on not keeping up with the blog…especially since I have lots of quiet time in the evening now while Steve sleeps! I also have learned the art of quicker photo downloads (a perk of all my selling on Cra*gs L*st!) so I can include fun pictures of our new adventures. Quick prayer requests before I sign off:

*That I find a part-time (very part-time, preferably) job to supplement our income. Would love to either work from home or find a coffee-shop job or something like that
*That we can get plugged into a great church. We really miss our church in Edmond and are praying for God to lead us to a place where we can build some great relationships (since we have no family here…our church family will be our family)
*That our adoption process will continue to move forward as quickly as possible, but mostly for peace and patience during the dreaded wait
*That Steve will continue to adapt to his new schedule. God has really been providing in that area, and we pray that He will continue to do so

Thank you so much to everyone that has prayed for us, offered words of encouragement, and just been excited with us as we begin this next chapter in our lives! We are so blessed by each one of you!