Lessons We're Learning in the Battle

I just posted this on our Facebook prayer page, but wanted to post it here, too, so I have a reminder to go back to over and over again. God is teaching me lots these days in terms of waiting on Him and resting in Him alone.  :)

There is a scripture passage by Paul that has been really sticking out to me lately. I have many friends that have had a much smoother road to parenthood, whether through adoption, fostering-to-adoption, or even births of several biological children (or even on a less-than-smooth road, their panic moments may have been shorter, and closure has come more quickly) and I admit to being tempted to question God's love for me in the process. Silly, I know, but we've heard many success stories and while we rejoice with each one, we're at the point that those just aren't helpful when trying to compare with our own journey because it's just a further reminder that God hasn't taken away our "thorn" yet, and Satan can so easily invade my mind with thoughts of "see, God obviously loves them, but not you"...they are blatant lies, but when we see our circumstances above the Truth of God's word, we can be tempted to believe them. Comparison is such a dangerous thing. Anyone else struggle with this? I'm sure each of you have your own personal struggles as well that Satan can use (he is so good at helping us compare our unique story to others' stories, isn't he? Sneaky and wrong). But if we keep our focus on the attributes of God, and who He is -- not just "what can He do for me?" even though we certainly are blessed by God in immeasurable ways, too! Anyone see that gorgeous sunset last night? But that's not the only time we should praise Him. We need praise Him simply because He is worthy of our praise. Not always easy to put in practice, but so worth it. I guess that's why they call it a "sacrifice of praise" sometimes. Anyhow, so in this looooooong trial of Samuel's adoption journey, I admit I've questioned why God hasn't ended it for us yet. I see the hundreds of lives touched by his story, and I know that we should be honored to be used in that way (and we are), but the human side of me can be ugly and selfish and just "want our turn for a happy ending." I was thinking about this past year and every single terrifying obstacle we've had, and even though God hasn't delivered us completely with a finalized adoption (yet), He has been more than faithful in bringing us through every single scary moment, and even giving us many unexpected blessings along the way. Remember a year ago when Jessica first set up this prayer page? We were having a routine visit with Samuel's birthmom and family in Tulsa, and it turned into a possibility of losing Samuel that week because of some court filings that happened to go through at the same time (filings which turned out to be incorrect, of course, but still scary!). But God! He allowed Samuel to come home with us that week, and we've had an entire year of similar miracles! As we near the (hopeful) end of this journey, we are getting so antsy and our minds are constantly thinking "enough already!!" but God is not through with Samuel's miraculous story quite yet. Even still, there is absolutely no question that He's walking every step of the way with us, giving us victories along the way. If you are struggling with something and wondering why others seem to have an easier time with something that is your biggest thorn (everyone's "thorn" is different)...don't let Satan lie to you and tell you God just must not love you as much then. God is working in our biggest weaknesses to show His grace and power. Does it make it fun? Absolutely not. But today I pray I can begin to have Paul's attitude more and more as we walk through this (I've attended more pity parties this past 5 years than I care to admit). He says in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This is good stuff, folks! I hope you all had a blessed Christmas, and as always, thank you for being warriors for Samuel (and us!). You are the best!

Remembering "The Call"...

One year ago today, I was on my way to a facial appointment (hmmm...I should have done that again to commemorate, hehe) and got a phone call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach that changed our lives. We'd been chosen as an adoptive family by a birthmom who happened to be due on our wedding anniversary! Later that afternoon, we got to meet the most incredible woman over Skype, and hit it off immediately. 

Many of you know we've had a couple failed adoptions before this, but this call was different. When we "met" H over skype, I felt like we'd already been friends and known each other. From that first call, we've formed an incredible bond that is hard to describe. God has made beauty from ashes in a tough, unfair situation, and H made an incredibly selfless choice for her son. We love sweet H more than words can say, and are just so thankful God brought our paths together through a precious, ornery, amazing, thriving little boy.  

I will never forget the day we got "the call"...we continue to pray that God is working in the hearts of Samuel's birthfather and family, and that we will get to finalize this adoption soon, this time of uncertainty can end, and we can (officially) be a family. Keep those prayers coming, friends. Love you all!

Been Awhile...ok, a Looooong while...

Boy, has our life been a roller coaster. Not that that's anything new...life's been an adventure since we've been married (maybe I should have been more careful when I told Steve after our first date "I can't wait 'til our next adventure"). Haha.  This roller coaster has been an emotional one, but not one that I'd take with anyone else but my love, Steve. He is truly my God-given gift, and my rock here on earth.

Back when we had our last failed adoption, I dragged my feet in getting our Home Study update done (call it my 31-year-old version of a toddler tantrum). I was frustrated with God, and afraid to hope again. But as much as I begged God to give us peace about closing the door to adoption (crazy how closing the door to a dream of parenthood sounded much easier than hoping and being disappointed again, huh? But it did)...God never gave us the peace to give up. So we contacted our social worker to come and do our "update" interview. That day, our life changed as well. We were called with a foster care placement of a 10-day-old baby boy. One that would change our world for the better, and one that would stay with us for almost 10 glorious months. Dillon changed our lives, and we've been so blessed to be welcomed as family by his birth family...we still are close to them and look forward to maintaining that wonderful relationship and watching precious Dillon grow up!  The day he went home to his birthdad was a bittersweet day for us, but literally as we were walking out the door of their house (praising God that it was not a "forever" goodbye!), we got a call for another foster placement. This time, a one-week-old baby girl, baby "E." Oh, how we loved her as well, and we were blessed to have her in our home for almost 2 months before she was moved to another foster home in Missouri where her siblings were staying. I won't lie and say I don't want to keep every single kiddo that comes into our home, but we praise God for the opportunity to love these kids while we have the chance and pray for our family to be expanded with "forever kiddos" one day soon.  Which leads to the next adventure.

The week after Dillon went home to his Daddy and Grandparents, we got a call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach. We'd been chosen again by a birthmom, and she wanted to "interview" us via Skype that day.  August 29, 2012, will be a day that I will remember forever. I'd scheduled a facial that morning, and got the call when I was on my way out there. I called Steve to give him a brief rundown before my appointment, and then thought about this incredible news throughout my entire one-hour facial. It was surreal.  I got home and the rest of the day was a blur. We had another phone conference (for something else) immediately before our Skype call with this birthmother, and the events of that day just FLEW by.  When we began our Skype call with "H," it was as if I was talking to a dear friend...I felt like we hit it off that quickly (at least that's how it was on our side...I can't speak for "H," haha!).  She is one of the most fabulous women I have known, and what I'd always hoped for in a birthmother for an open adoption. We pursued open adoption for a reason, to build a relationship with the birth families of our precious babies, and the fact that "H" feels like my sister could not be any more special and perfect.

A couple weeks later, September 11, I went down to Tulsa (with 3 1/2 week old baby "E" in tow) to meet "H" in person for the first time. Again, it was like I was meeting a dear friend. I got to go to a Dr. Appt. with her and then we had a coffee date...I seriously did not want our time to end. She gave me ultrasound pictures to take home with me, pictures of the most handsome baby boy I'd ever seen in utero. Can't even describe what a blessing she's been to us since the first time we talked.  We headed to Tulsa on October 7th, in preparation for the arrival of this precious baby boy.  Our day on Monday, October 8th, was one I'll never forget. We spent the entire day at the hospital with "H's" family, who are now our family. Her sister and her two adorable kiddos, her Mom and Stepdad, her Dad, and her best friend. They welcomed us with open arms and our relationship with them has been a dream come true ever since that day. At 5:25pm, Samuel Steven entered the world and was welcomed into a wonderful, huge, blended, loving family. He was 6 lbs, 19.5 inches long, and pure perfection. Even more awesome, he was born on our 7th wedding anniversary! I love how God puts His stamp on things.

Unfortunately, as has been the case with our entire journey to parenthood, the road became bumpy. Samuel's birthfather has contested the adoption and we are currently in a legal battle to keep this precious baby.  I cannot post details about the case (including why we are so adamant about keeping Samuel safe and in our home and out of a violent situation which brought about the adoption plan to begin with), but we are currently praying for God to work in a mighty way and that we'll have the privilege of raising this precious boy! Every day with him so far has been a blessing, and we fall more in love with him each day!

Blessings...

"Blessings"

By Laura Story

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

At long last...the call that {almost} changed our lives forever...

Well, now that it's been almost 4 months since this occurred, I'd better document it for my patient reader(s?) :) You may remember from this post, that Steve and I had a pretty exciting several days back in January. We'd just had a great day at the park Cross Country Skiing and enjoying God's amazing creation and were at home relaxing and watching some Jeopardy (I know...another wild afternoon at the Irwin's place!). My cell phone rang and it was the director of CPO (our agency)...she was needing a copy of our original home study, because she couldn't find it. She said that they were getting pretty busy, and she wanted to be sure she had immediate access to our file, rather than continuing to look for her other copy. "No problem," I said, feeling so great to be in touch with them again. As you probably remember, our agency's primary purpose is as a ministry to birthmoms in crisis pregnancies. Many of these birthmoms choose adoption plans for their babies, so they need to have families for these babies - "providing families for babies, not babies for families." Anyway, since they are taking such great care of these birthmoms (CPO supports these girls through either choice: parenting or an adoption plan, which is one of the things I just love about them), coupled with the fact that we are out of the Tulsa area, we don't get to be as involved with them as we'd like to be. This also means that we can feel "out of the loop" in many ways. We completely stand behind CPO and their ministry, so we understand that it's not about us...it's about these girls. But still, it was so nice to hear Cheryl's voice, reconnect, and get to talk to her for a bit.

After I hung up the phone, I actually lamented to Steve a little bit (warning: selfishness creeping in here). I mentioned that I'd finally been able to stop constantly thinking about our adoption and becoming a mom, etc. and had begun enjoying life and "moving on," I guess you could say. My way of protecting my heart after almost 3 years of disappointment, I suppose. Either way, I don't ever want to "move on" or stop thinking about our adoption, because even if we don't know our birthmom yet, we still need to be praying for her every day! I think there is a big difference between contentment in our "now" and just flat out not trusting that God's best is really the best, regardless of how it compares with my perceived "best." I was definitely leaning more toward the not trusting God, and just conceding that He didn't care about me or my desires so I should just give up.

Anyhow...so we started making arrangements to fax Cheryl an extra copy of our home study and went on with our evening. Then things got interesting :) She called again about 20 minutes later and told us the actual reason behind needing our home study so quickly. There was a birthmom who was basically due that day, and she wanted to make an adoption plan. Her parents didn't even know about the pregnancy and she wanted to keep it that way. Cheryl said she (birthmom) was in touch with the CPO Doula (how cool is it that they provide a doula for these girls?!) and that the doula (Lisa) would be in touch with us soon to give us an update. Steve and I looked at each other in shock, and started making phone calls - just to our parents at that point. It was so fun to tell them that they might be grandparents so soon!! We were in a state of shock, and sort of panicked about what we still didn't have and needed. We made a trip to Target while in a bit of a cloud, I filled in our HR manager and my Team Lead about the possibility of us needing to head to Tulsa soon, and we picked up a few onesies and bottles...we had no idea what we needed to bring. After a few conversations with Lisa throughout the next day, we decided it was time for us to drive to Tulsa. We were so blessed to be welcomed into the Wyatt's home again (they were the ones that hosted us during the Waiting Families Workshop in November).

As we got to Tulsa, things were still so crazy and up in the air. The only contact that any of us had with this birthmom (BM) was over Facebook and/or email...I think Lisa had talked with her on the phone. It was a heartbreaking story (normally, I wouldn't be disclosing any of this, but once you get to the end of this post, you'll realize why it's ok). During that next couple days, things started getting a bit strange, and pieces of this story were falling apart. I won't go into details, but even as I think about the whole situation now - 4 months later - I still am so impressed with what a very believable, intricate story it was, and how things seemed to unfold and progress so naturally. As you can probably guess by now, it was not a case of the birthmother changing her mind (which is definitely a possibility in any open adoption, and we would completely support a birthmom in her decision to parent), it was a complete scam. But, here's the amazing thing. God protected our hearts in such a huge way! We went down to Tulsa with the attitude of supporting this particular BM, and not even focusing on the possibility of becoming parents. We had a strong prayer support system during those several days, and we could just feel God's peace. I think the most upset I got at the end was strictly embarrassment for "falling for" a scam...and it was short-lived. You see, there are enough "unbelievable" stories out there that do end up being completely real, that it is just too much of a risk not to support these girls when they need it. And though this particular case was a scam in terms of a fake birthmother, the fact that someone was reaching out for help remains unchanged. I pray that she - whomever she is - still saw the light of Christ in us. I just can't regret showing love to someone that clearly was reaching out for it. Another blessing was that it gave me an opportunity to talk with a birthmom for the first time (real or not), which can be an intimidating idea. And we could put our actions where our mouths have been this entire time. We of course want to be parents, but the whole reason we signed on with this particular agency is that we want to partner with them in their ministry to these birthmoms, whether we are blessed with a baby or not. God gave us a chance to actually demonstrate that.

So there you have it. The call that {almost} changed our lives. So much changed as a result of that one phone call. And although it didn't change our lives the way in which we always envisioned "the call," it refocused our perspective on God's plan for us to become parents. We now remember how important it is to pray consistently for our birthmom(s) and our future child(ren), even though the who/when/etc. details are not yet completely tangible. We were able to continue moving forward with the process of becoming licensed foster parents. We have taken the opportunity to prepare for a child to come into our home, rather than "let's just not think about it until it seems like more of a sure thing." Oh, and we also got to spend a few days with a pretty incredible family...

God is Good - ALL the time!

¹³ You created every part of me;
you put me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because you are to be feared;
all you do is strange and wonderful.
I know it with all my heart.
¹⁵ When my bones were being formed,
carefully put together in my mother's womb,
when I was growing there in secret,
you knew that I was there
¹⁶ you saw me before I was born.
The days allotted to me
had all been recorded in your book,
before any of them ever began.

Psalm 139:13 - 16

Still Waiting...

I know I've kept you all in suspense of the call that (almost) changed our lives forever...and I apologize that the suspense will continue for a bit longer. It worked, though, didn't it? I'll post about that soon, I promise. But today, March 15, 2011, is the day marking seven months of waiting for the call. The one that really will change our lives forever. Seven months down, unknown number of months (weeks...days...years?) to go. Uff da, the open-ended nature of adoption is tough (yup, I said uff da...proud Scandinavian here). I'm not gonna lie. Even as we rejoice with our friends that become pregnant and have babies, or even our other "waiting" friends who are chosen by birth parents and then bring their sweet babies home (and please don't misunderstand me, we ABSOLUTELY do rejoice with them...God is SO good!), it sure is hard to wait. And keep waiting. And wait some more. Especially since our wait actually started long ago, when we lost the dream of parenthood the first time back in May 2008 when we miscarried.

As we see it happen for "everyone else" (I know, I know...not everyone else), it sometimes feels like we are on the playground at recess waiting to be picked for a team, and watching person after person be selected as we stand in the line waiting, hoping to be good enough to be chosen. That's the raw honesty of it. Open-ended waiting sucks. We have no due date. No excitement of decorating a baby's room (since we have no idea when our baby will be here and/or even if we will still be living in this apartment). No baby showers. No doctor's appointments. Not even shopping for baby clothes (since we don't know what season to buy for). Just lots of waiting.

Man, that part of God's refining is not fun, is it? Of course, the fact that I'm handling this wait so incredibly well (hehe...note sarcasm) could very well be a reason we are still waiting...God is doing some big, hard, wonderful, painful, amazing, wouldn't-change-it-for-anything refining in my heart as we go through the process of preparing for this awesome challenge of parenthood. It goes from "well, the wait could be anywhere from a few days to a few years" (but what I really mean is that it will probably be closer to the "few days") to "oh crap, we really could be waiting a few years or longer" to "hmmmm...maybe I'm just not meant to be a mom. I really thought God gave me these gifts and desires, but maybe not...poor, poor me" to "no more pity party here, but maybe I really do just need to move on. Maybe God has something else out there for us and we are limiting Him because we just won't let this parenthood thing go." I have to constantly rest in God's truth and what I believe are promises He's given, otherwise I second guess everything. And believe me, I have. Feelings of doubt can rob us of so much, especially as we try to be diligent in waiting on Him for something we are confident He's promised us. Here's a quote from a great book I read that I felt like I could have written myself: "When I stood around talking with other women, I felt somewhat like an imposter. I was incomplete, not quite a part of them, having failed what I perceived as the true test of womanhood: the rite of motherhood." (taken from The Infertility Companion by Sandra L. Glahn, Th.M. and William R. Cutrer, MD).

Infertility (or "delayed parenthood," as I like to call it in our case...since all of our infertility tests came back normal) does crazy things to a woman who has a strong desire for children. It can turn motherhood into an idol. It can cause her to be prone to schizophrenic tendencies, where it seems that everyone who posts about their kids or pregnancies is directing it straight at her saying "see what I have that you can't have?" It can cause her to isolate herself from people that she loves, because it hurts to be around them and she just doesn't feel like she fits in because she's not "one of them." And then as she cringes when friends tell her "I'm pregnant!" she feels awful because she wishes she could have that head-over-heels excitement she used to have (like a real friend should have, right?) instead of feeling like she just got punched in the stomach again. Again, raw honesty here.

So...how can we find hope and encouragement, even during an agonizing wait for something we trust that God has promised us? And it could be anything, not just motherhood. This is simply my current challenge...there have been many others and I'm sure there will be many more as life is filled with refining fires. These past couple months, I've been blessed with an amazing group of ladies at a Tuesday morning Bible study as we learn about Abraham. We're going through Anne Graham Lotz's book The Magnificent Obsession and it's all about Abraham's journey as he longed to know God more intimately. He waited on God's promises to him (one of which was to be a father and have descendants too numerous to count) even as those promises seemed extremely far-fetched (he and his wife Sarah were old!) and didn't necessarily make sense based on what the circumstances were at the time. Abraham was carried through by his faith in the truth of who God was (is). He dropped everything to go where God told Him to go...even if it meant leaving his home, his possessions, and everything he'd ever known! And even as He exercised great faith, there were times that he acted on feelings instead of truth (and took matters into his own hands), which turned out to be clearly away from God's path. We so often say "oh don't worry, God, I got this...I'm not sure You can handle this the way it should be handled." But what we (at least I) tend to really be saying is "I'm not sure I can trust you since my circumstances just don't seem to line up with what I'm wanting to happen." Or, if we are really honest with ourselves, we might be saying "I'm not sure I'm going to like what You have for me, so I am going to force things to go my way instead." Oh, the blessings we could be robbing ourselves of when we look right past God's truth, God's character, and God's promises and settle for good enough, instead of God's best.

As we are on this journey and sometimes can be overtaken by doubt, self-pity, or just plain frustration that things aren't happening the way (or the speed) that we'd like (and this can be applied to anything...I just use our journey to parenthood as an example), we have to remember the truth of God's character, His wisdom, His divine authority, and His incredible love for us. And if we truly want to be walking with God (which I absolutely do), we have to walk in the same direction and at the same pace (great snippet from Anne Graham Lotz). Lord, please help me to walk contently with You in your direction and at your pace.

What a beautiful place to live!

So when Steve was looking into places for us to live here in Kansas, he started out looking at various rental houses. We really wanted to have a fenced yard for Norman to play in (ok, so part of it was that we missed the luxury of our yard at our previous home and were thinking ahead to the winter and being able to just open the door for Norman to go out and go potty). Of course, as we are on a pretty tight budget now, the houses we could afford were not necessarily in the best neighborhoods, so we went back to apartment hunting. Steve called me while I was in NY and said “I think I found a place for us to live.” Well…this place was definitely a God-thing. Here’s why:

1) It is right by this amazing park (that’s what drew Steve to it in the first place) which is our main source of entertainment right now! Oh, and the park has a huge outdoor theatre which I cannot wait to (hopefully) be involved with next summer! More on the park in a bit…
2) When we wanted to get some pics of the actual apartment we were wanting to rent, Steve asked the Admin. Asst. at his company if someone there would mind going and taking some pictures for us (we didn’t want to put a deposit down without seeing it, but we also didn’t want to lose the apartment either)…turns out one of Steve’s co-workers lives not only in the complex, not only in our building, not only on our floor, but RIGHT ACROSS THE BREEZEWAY from our apartment. He went and took tons of pics for us (such a huge blessing!) and we felt so much more at peace about everything. And the other perk about having them as neighbors is that I was able to watch their super sweet 17-month-old son when he was sick and the guys needed to attend a training meeting at work. I have always wanted to have the free time to be able to bless someone like that (and actually I got the blessing, because I got to snuggle with a sweet little boy for 3 hours while he slept and cuddled on my lap).
3) My dad’s cousin’s wife found out we were moving to this area, she said “I wish I would have known…I lived in Kansas for awhile and was in THE BEST apartment complex. I would have told them where to live!” Well, guess what?! We’re in that complex! And she’s right…it is an awesome place to live.

Since we are on our tight budget due to my not working (BTW, right now…LOVING the trade off. May have to remedy the "not working" situation in the future, but for now, I’m very much enjoying some time being a stay-at-home-wife!), anyhow...we are trying to find lots of cheap (read: free) things to do for fun! We happen to be very close to the best park I’ve ever seen. Shawnee Mission Park has just about everything. We have been there at least 3-4 times a week since we moved here. They have miles and miles of paths and off-path trails. Beautiful trees, a huge lake with a marina and canoe/kayak rentals, an off –leash dog park with a beach (though the dog park area is not fenced in, so it will not be an off-leash park for Norman), horseback riding trails, and even a hot air balloon launch area (which is good, because I was wondering where in the world I was going to launch my hot air balloon from around here! haha). Here are some pictures from one of our recent visits to the park.

Such a regal beagle we have! And no, that is not a muzzle (people always ask that).

We saw some pretty fall colors...the leaves were just starting to change.

Norman and I also did some exploring by the lake...

There are seriously miles and miles of paths like this...AMAZING!

And *this* is my heart all in one photo frame...

Isn't that just beautiful? We feel so blessed to have it close-by! When I go up to MN for a visit next month, I'm going to bring back our cross-country skis...won't that be so much fun this winter?! I also cannot wait until we are pushing a stroller...that will be even better! Anyone that comes here for a visit will definitely be introduced to our park!

Where to start??

Whew, what a month! Our lives have been completely turned around (for the better) and we are loving it! Steve ended up with TWO job offers, but ultimately, the Kansas City job was a much better fit. He loved the Huntsville area, and it was a strong company, but he opted for the position that would give him experience better suited for a possible future (down the road, God-willing) with the National Weather Service as a forecaster, rather than digging further and further into the research and computer side of Meteorology. And my goodness, did he make the right choice! He is learning so much and getting some pretty incredible training with some amazing people. There are so many positives about this move that I can hardly even list them. We are much closer to my family (it cut the distance basically in half), I am not working full-time anymore (PRAISE GOD!), God provided an awesome apartment that is within walking distance to the most beautiful park (seriously…miles and miles of trails for walking/running/biking/horseback riding. It even has a Hot Air Balloon launch field! What?!), I am not working, Steve loves his job and is being challenged, Norman is much more comfortable in our new apartment, and did I mention…I’m not working?! I am just feeling so blessed by this new life…I feel like after 5 years of marriage (we just celebrated our 5th Anniversary October 8th) we are just getting started on the life of which we have dreamed. And it affirms that our decision to send Steve back to school for this second bachelor’s degree was the right one. God has provided confirmation after confirmation for us, and how cool is that? So anyways…about our new life…

Steve got the job offer(s) while I was in New York last month, so we had to basically consult via phone regarding this decision that would affect our lives in a pretty huge way. The positive side of that…although I was more than happy to leave many parts of my job, I was also very reluctant to leave it (I worked at the most amazing company, with the most amazing people, making a very decent salary with amazing benefits and perks)…so being in New York helped me escape the reality of “oh my goodness, I need to turn in a 2 week notice!” Yes, you read that right…Steve’s new company wanted him to start October 1st (we were able to push them out to the 4th). Not much time to wrap things up in OKC, that’s for sure! But we knew it would happen quickly when it happened, and certainly weren’t complaining about things, because STEVE HAD A JOB!! My trip to New York ended up being a pretty awesome “last hurrah” for my life as a career woman, because I got to fly out on the jet!

We were riding in style!

This is my sweet co-worker. I miss seeing her every day...she is such a wise woman of God!

Needless to say, commercial air travel will never be the same for me again. Haha!

Here is another awesome thing we saw in NY. God’s creation is breathtaking!

Our last two weeks in Oklahoma were quite a whirlwind. It happened to include the only two weekends that we actually had made plans (go figure). Steve’s folks arrived in OK the day I returned from NY, as we had been planning to go to the OU vs. Air Force game that weekend (Steve’s dad is an Air Force Academy graduate) and they ended up being a tremendous help. Steve’s mom is probably the best packer I know. She was a life saver in helping me get the kitchen, pantry, knick knacks, and many other things wrapped securely and packed (did I mention she is FAST?!). We could not have done this move without them. For reals. They were with us through the weekend and then went back to CA knowing that in just about 9 days, they’d be back. That is the best way to say goodbye…knowing they will be back soon! Then, the following weekend, we had already planned a Kansas City weekend with some members of my family. It is a great “halfway point” between MN and OKC, so many Kansas City weekends happened with various family and friends during our 4 years in Oklahoma. Even though the timing was a bit crazy, I knew I’d probably actually need a weekend of just relaxing, playing some cards, watching football, and laughing with my people, so we kept it on. And I am so glad we did. We were also able to take a car load of stuff up to our new apartment! Nice! Thanks, Dad, for helping us unload that first car load!

When we returned to Oklahoma City that Monday, the rest of the week is seriously a blur. I was blessed to have great groups of friends in Oklahoma and I was trying to cram as much time in with them as I could…and it still just wasn’t enough. I sure miss them! Another plus of being in Kansas City…it’s not far to go back to OK for a visit either! I worked the rest of the week (my final week at Chesapeake…bittersweet), and Steve’s folks came out again for the remainder of the packing/loading/moving extravaganza. We filled a 26-foot truck, people! How in the world can a couple that has been married only 5 years fill a 26-foot truck, plus three (actually, four, including our pre-move trip) carloads of stuff?! Phew! Which explains my new part-time job, for the time being. SELL STUFF! I am having a blast just being able to “nest” in our new home, and simplify our lives by selling/donating things. It is just an awesome feeling.

Steve’s parents were again instrumental in the tail-end of the move as well. Have I mentioned that our new apartment is on the 3rd floor?? God bless the guys as they made numerous trips up those stairs with very heavy things. Steve’s mom was also extremely helpful in keeping Norman safe and happy. The poor pair was holed up in one of the bedrooms for much of two days. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Mommers Irwin! I wanted to start the unpacking/nesting later that week (after the folks left), so on Monday, instead of unpacking, I decided to introduce my MIL to one of my absolute favorite parts of the Kansas City area…Country Club Plaza! We had such a fun day together, shopping, eating, lots of walking, and just enjoying each other’s company. I am so blessed to have ILs that I absolutely love.

Now that we have been here for a couple weeks, we are adjusting quite well. I am, of course, loving staying at home and getting our apartment in order, and Steve is doing great at his new job. His first two weeks consisted of training on the day shift before he switched over (this week) to his normal shift…1:00 am to 9:30 am. Crazy, huh? We got some killer blackout curtains (two layers, actually), and Steve even came up with the idea of using Velcro to attach them to the wall so that no light can leak through. It’s a pretty cool system, if I do say so myself (sorry, honey, for giving you a hard time about it pre-installation...you were right)! It’s pretty neat to have Steve come home around 10:00 am and have the day together (well, until he has to start getting ready for bed at around 4:00 pm). On Monday, we went to the park right after he got home and enjoyed a 3 mile walk! I love having him home during the day.

Today, we had our Home Study Update visit with a new Social Worker (our current adoption Home Study was done in Oklahoma, and we need to have it updated now that our living/job situation has changed…it now needs to be done by someone licensed in Kansas, hence today’s visit with a new Social Worker). We are now in the paper chase (abbreviated version) again as we wait for the Kansas Background Checks to clear and our new home study to be written up and sent to the agency. We are still able to use the same adoption agency, and we are so glad to be able to continue the process with them. We are sort of “on hold” while we wait for our home study to be updated, etc. (they can’t show our profile to birthmoms that are due anytime soon, just in case our home study update isn’t completed in time)…hopefully not for too long, though! And even though it stinks to have this delay, we knew from the beginning that this was likely, and I feel such a peace about where we are now. One thing we know for sure is that God is in complete control of the process, so it’s not like we are going to miss the child He has for us, ya know? Plus, it’s nice to not be “up in the air” anymore. We are here for awhile (at least) and can make our home here with confidence until God leads us somewhere else. And the bottom line is, each day we are closer to meeting our baby, and I could not be more excited for that!

Wow…this post has gotten long, but there have been so many things to update you all on! Let me know if you want our new contact info (I can send it via email). In the meantime, I have no excuses on not keeping up with the blog…especially since I have lots of quiet time in the evening now while Steve sleeps! I also have learned the art of quicker photo downloads (a perk of all my selling on Cra*gs L*st!) so I can include fun pictures of our new adventures. Quick prayer requests before I sign off:

*That I find a part-time (very part-time, preferably) job to supplement our income. Would love to either work from home or find a coffee-shop job or something like that
*That we can get plugged into a great church. We really miss our church in Edmond and are praying for God to lead us to a place where we can build some great relationships (since we have no family here…our church family will be our family)
*That our adoption process will continue to move forward as quickly as possible, but mostly for peace and patience during the dreaded wait
*That Steve will continue to adapt to his new schedule. God has really been providing in that area, and we pray that He will continue to do so

Thank you so much to everyone that has prayed for us, offered words of encouragement, and just been excited with us as we begin this next chapter in our lives! We are so blessed by each one of you!

But my life isn't interesting enough to blog...

Ha. I say that all the time. But then all of a sudden there are a bajillion updates. We definitely have had some great opportunities to trust God with things in our life that are a pretty big deal. You know, the usual...babies, jobs, moving. God is proving again and again that He is faithful (and also being patient enough with me to offer glimpses of encouragement even when I like to throw my tantrums about wanting things NOW). More in-depth updates to come, but here are a few tidbits, so you know what is on our prayer list and what we would be so blessed to add to yours (and we also want to know how we can pray for you!). Things got pretty crazy a couple months ago when this little guy started to have seizures.

I know he's "just" a dog, but for now, he is our baby, and seizures are never fun to witness. We made many trips to the vet (they love him there...and we love them) and our Norman is now on meds every 12 hours (sorta kills the social life, having to be home at 9 am and 9 pm every day...hehe). He is improving, though, and we are so thankful. More than 4 weeks seizure-free now, praise God!

We have also been enjoying the start of football season (Steve has even entered his first Fantasy Football league!), but can hardly believe Fall is here already. I do love Fall (except that it leads to Winter...boo). Tomorrow I get to jump headfirst into Fall as I travel to upstate New York for work. Business travel is one way to make a week fly! I think we might even get to see Niagara Falls...if so, I will definitely take pictures! The other fun thing about this trip is that I get to fly on the corporate jet. Rumor has it that they even stock the seats with candy! Looking forward to seeing if that is indeed true...

No new news on the adoption front. Thanks so much to everyone that has supported us with encouraging words, surprise notes, prayers, and even buying coffee! We are officially "waiting"...and I'm not gonna lie...this whole "waiting" thing is turning out to be a bit overrated (hehe). Many prayers for patience are coming out of this heart. I have still struggled a bit with hearing that everyone (seriously...ok, maybe I'm exaggerating a tiny bit, but not by much) is pregnant. And it's not even that I want to be pregnant (it would actually put our adoption on hold), but man, I just long for that baby NOW and it's so hard to wait and trust God's timing in all this, especially since adoption is such an unknown timeline. I have to be honest in saying that the idea that we could be waiting years definitely frightens me and discourages me a little. Comparison is never a good thing. My aunt put it very well when she said "I refuse to look to the right or to the left, or to compare myself with those who are more or less successful than I am. Those comparisons bear rotten fruit: either pride or despair." So true, and I'm so guilty of it. Constantly looking at one of the 5 (yes FIVE) people on my floor at work that are "drinking the water" and wonder why am I the only one that can't do this? Like I'm a total failure because I haven't been able to get pregnant in 2 1/2 years. Yet I am so passionate about the path God has opened for us in adoption...I just want it to move much faster. I strive to be at peace with my "now" so that I don't settle even for good, when God wants to offer me His best. When looked at that way, who could even argue that this wait - long or short - isn't worth waiting for? I want to take every thought captive (especially those that Satan throws in there that say "you know this isn't going to happen for you" or "you aren't a mother; therefore, you just don't fit"...those have been hammered at me a lot lately) and replace it with God's truth, like Jeremiah 29:11's "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I cannot wait for that day, but I also must rejoice in the journey. Whew...better save more of that for another post. This "quick update" could get long.

The other big excitement is Steve's job search. After graduation in May, things were pretty slow on the career front. But within the last month or two, things have started rolling. We were blessed with several phone interviews and Steve had two in-person interviews last week! One in Huntsville, AL, and one in Shawnee, KS. Both went extremely well (the one in Huntsville is already drafting an offer!), and we are hoping to have a big announcement within the next week...stay tuned!

So yeah, big changes on the horizon I think. And many things on the prayer list. Praying for our adoption process to continue to move forward, but most importantly for peace during the agonizing wait. Praying for Steve's job situation and discernment in that process. Praying for our potential move, and the logistics that go along with that (including my job situation following said potential move). God has proven his faithfulness over and over, and we are so excited to see where He leads us next!

BIG NEWS!!

We are so excited to (finally) officially announce…

WE ARE ADOPTING!!!

God has been stirring our hearts for quite some time, and we have taken the exciting step toward becoming parents through the blessing of adoption! I can’t even explain how ecstatic we are about this journey. For many months (years, actually), we have longed for a child, and we are thrilled to be moving forward! We found an incredible agency, Crisis Pregnancy Outreach in Tulsa, OK, and strongly believe in their mission. One thing that really stands out to us is their mission of not providing babies for families, but instead, they provide families for babies. As a crisis pregnancy center, their main focus is to minister to birthparents that are making an incredible decision to choose life. They support birthmoms that choose adoption, but also those that choose to parent their babies themselves. Steve and I have become huge advocates of the open adoption process as we’ve prayed about our own journey, and are excited to (hopefully) be able to minister to a young lady that will ultimately become a part of our family, in whatever capacity that may end up being (this could be pictures and letters, or it could be frequent contact through visits. We’re excited about the potential!).

The process of adoption is bittersweet, and we pray every day for the birthparents of our future child. The decision she will be (or, possibly is currently) making will be one of the most difficult, grief-filled decisions she will ever have to make. And it will lead to the happiest moment of our lives, as the baby we have prayed for and longed for is placed into our arms. One incredible moment, two extremely different perspectives - one huge contradiction. For this reason, we would love for you to join us in praying for this process and everyone involved. We pray that God places a shield of protection over the birthparents and this precious baby; that He gives a peace that passes all understanding; and that above all, God is glorified through our lives and this entire process. It is such an amazing thing to be a part of.

So…you may be asking…what’s next? Well, we are definitely on our way with what is affectionately called “the paper chase.” It’s incredible what is required in order to complete a home study, but for my type-A, list-making personality…I thrive on the chase! And there is certainly nothing I’ve been more excited about, which makes the fingerprinting, background checking, and document chasing worth every second. We have our home study interview with the social worker scheduled for Tuesday, July 13th. We’ve already sent our “life book” to the agency, and our adoption mentor said they’d start showing it to potential birthmoms as soon as they receive it. Since we will be hand-picked by the birthparents, there is no telling how long the process will ultimately take…it could be a few months, or it could be a few years. We are completely at peace knowing that God’s timing is absolutely perfect and that His hand has been guiding us this entire time. Hopefully that peace will continue as we complete the home study and start the “hurry up and wait” part of the process!

One of the cool tools we have found in order to raise funds for our adoption and the related expenses is this website: http://www.justlovecoffee.com/Irwin2010Adoption.

As a coffee lover, this is right up my alley! Just Love Coffee is company that sells 100% Fair Trade specialty coffees produced from the places that do coffee best. According to their website, Just Love Coffee selects “only Fair Trade coffees from small farmers so that we are helping those farmers, who labor to bring us such wonderful coffees, earn a living wage. We roast our coffees to order so that you are receiving the freshest coffee possible every time.” Yum! Sounds delicious, doesn’t it? If you order using our family’s link provided above, a portion of the sales will benefit our adoption and help defray some of the costs related to the process. Our site is being set up as we speak, so it should be up and running soon! Check back often, and place your order for some tasty coffee once our site is active! We’d love your support in this endeavor, but mostly we covet your prayers. Prayers for us as God prepares us for parenthood, prayers for the birthparents as they go through this decision and their pregnancy, and prayers for Crisis Pregnancy Outreach as they continue their awesome ministry to these girls.

Thanks so much for your support, your excitement, and walking through these past couple years in our journey toward parenthood which has certainly not been the one we had envisioned (but we trust God that it is so much better than our plans were)!

Pray for Abby...

I'd like to introduce you to an incredible family--one that I have not yet actually met in person. I have been following the Riggs family blog for quite awhile, actually, but feel led to send out a call to prayer, as this precious girl battles cancer (and many effects on top of it). Her family is just amazing...for me to try to explain would not do them justice, so just go and check them out here and see for yourself. God is truly using them in incredible ways, and they are real people with humble hearts and extraordinary faith. And...I just found out they live in Oklahoma! I totally want to see how I can help (me and about a zillion others, I'm sure). Please pray for little Abby and her family...they are a blessing to so many, even while they are dealt this very excruciating situation.

Laminin

With all the talk about Intelligent Design vs Macroevolution and the new Expelled movie coming out (which Steve and I would recommend...it was very good!), I thought this video was pretty cool. It's about 9 minutes long, but so neat...watch it and you will be blessed.

How Cool is This Quote?!?

And even cooler...that we have a Savior like this...

"Our Savior kneels down and gazes upon the darkest acts of our lives. But rather than recoil in horror, he reaches out in kindness and says, 'I can clean that if you want.' "

-an excerpt from 3:16 by Max Lucado