Lessons We're Learning in the Battle

I just posted this on our Facebook prayer page, but wanted to post it here, too, so I have a reminder to go back to over and over again. God is teaching me lots these days in terms of waiting on Him and resting in Him alone.  :)

There is a scripture passage by Paul that has been really sticking out to me lately. I have many friends that have had a much smoother road to parenthood, whether through adoption, fostering-to-adoption, or even births of several biological children (or even on a less-than-smooth road, their panic moments may have been shorter, and closure has come more quickly) and I admit to being tempted to question God's love for me in the process. Silly, I know, but we've heard many success stories and while we rejoice with each one, we're at the point that those just aren't helpful when trying to compare with our own journey because it's just a further reminder that God hasn't taken away our "thorn" yet, and Satan can so easily invade my mind with thoughts of "see, God obviously loves them, but not you"...they are blatant lies, but when we see our circumstances above the Truth of God's word, we can be tempted to believe them. Comparison is such a dangerous thing. Anyone else struggle with this? I'm sure each of you have your own personal struggles as well that Satan can use (he is so good at helping us compare our unique story to others' stories, isn't he? Sneaky and wrong). But if we keep our focus on the attributes of God, and who He is -- not just "what can He do for me?" even though we certainly are blessed by God in immeasurable ways, too! Anyone see that gorgeous sunset last night? But that's not the only time we should praise Him. We need praise Him simply because He is worthy of our praise. Not always easy to put in practice, but so worth it. I guess that's why they call it a "sacrifice of praise" sometimes. Anyhow, so in this looooooong trial of Samuel's adoption journey, I admit I've questioned why God hasn't ended it for us yet. I see the hundreds of lives touched by his story, and I know that we should be honored to be used in that way (and we are), but the human side of me can be ugly and selfish and just "want our turn for a happy ending." I was thinking about this past year and every single terrifying obstacle we've had, and even though God hasn't delivered us completely with a finalized adoption (yet), He has been more than faithful in bringing us through every single scary moment, and even giving us many unexpected blessings along the way. Remember a year ago when Jessica first set up this prayer page? We were having a routine visit with Samuel's birthmom and family in Tulsa, and it turned into a possibility of losing Samuel that week because of some court filings that happened to go through at the same time (filings which turned out to be incorrect, of course, but still scary!). But God! He allowed Samuel to come home with us that week, and we've had an entire year of similar miracles! As we near the (hopeful) end of this journey, we are getting so antsy and our minds are constantly thinking "enough already!!" but God is not through with Samuel's miraculous story quite yet. Even still, there is absolutely no question that He's walking every step of the way with us, giving us victories along the way. If you are struggling with something and wondering why others seem to have an easier time with something that is your biggest thorn (everyone's "thorn" is different)...don't let Satan lie to you and tell you God just must not love you as much then. God is working in our biggest weaknesses to show His grace and power. Does it make it fun? Absolutely not. But today I pray I can begin to have Paul's attitude more and more as we walk through this (I've attended more pity parties this past 5 years than I care to admit). He says in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This is good stuff, folks! I hope you all had a blessed Christmas, and as always, thank you for being warriors for Samuel (and us!). You are the best!

Remembering "The Call"...

One year ago today, I was on my way to a facial appointment (hmmm...I should have done that again to commemorate, hehe) and got a phone call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach that changed our lives. We'd been chosen as an adoptive family by a birthmom who happened to be due on our wedding anniversary! Later that afternoon, we got to meet the most incredible woman over Skype, and hit it off immediately. 

Many of you know we've had a couple failed adoptions before this, but this call was different. When we "met" H over skype, I felt like we'd already been friends and known each other. From that first call, we've formed an incredible bond that is hard to describe. God has made beauty from ashes in a tough, unfair situation, and H made an incredibly selfless choice for her son. We love sweet H more than words can say, and are just so thankful God brought our paths together through a precious, ornery, amazing, thriving little boy.  

I will never forget the day we got "the call"...we continue to pray that God is working in the hearts of Samuel's birthfather and family, and that we will get to finalize this adoption soon, this time of uncertainty can end, and we can (officially) be a family. Keep those prayers coming, friends. Love you all!

Been Awhile...ok, a Looooong while...

Boy, has our life been a roller coaster. Not that that's anything new...life's been an adventure since we've been married (maybe I should have been more careful when I told Steve after our first date "I can't wait 'til our next adventure"). Haha.  This roller coaster has been an emotional one, but not one that I'd take with anyone else but my love, Steve. He is truly my God-given gift, and my rock here on earth.

Back when we had our last failed adoption, I dragged my feet in getting our Home Study update done (call it my 31-year-old version of a toddler tantrum). I was frustrated with God, and afraid to hope again. But as much as I begged God to give us peace about closing the door to adoption (crazy how closing the door to a dream of parenthood sounded much easier than hoping and being disappointed again, huh? But it did)...God never gave us the peace to give up. So we contacted our social worker to come and do our "update" interview. That day, our life changed as well. We were called with a foster care placement of a 10-day-old baby boy. One that would change our world for the better, and one that would stay with us for almost 10 glorious months. Dillon changed our lives, and we've been so blessed to be welcomed as family by his birth family...we still are close to them and look forward to maintaining that wonderful relationship and watching precious Dillon grow up!  The day he went home to his birthdad was a bittersweet day for us, but literally as we were walking out the door of their house (praising God that it was not a "forever" goodbye!), we got a call for another foster placement. This time, a one-week-old baby girl, baby "E." Oh, how we loved her as well, and we were blessed to have her in our home for almost 2 months before she was moved to another foster home in Missouri where her siblings were staying. I won't lie and say I don't want to keep every single kiddo that comes into our home, but we praise God for the opportunity to love these kids while we have the chance and pray for our family to be expanded with "forever kiddos" one day soon.  Which leads to the next adventure.

The week after Dillon went home to his Daddy and Grandparents, we got a call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach. We'd been chosen again by a birthmom, and she wanted to "interview" us via Skype that day.  August 29, 2012, will be a day that I will remember forever. I'd scheduled a facial that morning, and got the call when I was on my way out there. I called Steve to give him a brief rundown before my appointment, and then thought about this incredible news throughout my entire one-hour facial. It was surreal.  I got home and the rest of the day was a blur. We had another phone conference (for something else) immediately before our Skype call with this birthmother, and the events of that day just FLEW by.  When we began our Skype call with "H," it was as if I was talking to a dear friend...I felt like we hit it off that quickly (at least that's how it was on our side...I can't speak for "H," haha!).  She is one of the most fabulous women I have known, and what I'd always hoped for in a birthmother for an open adoption. We pursued open adoption for a reason, to build a relationship with the birth families of our precious babies, and the fact that "H" feels like my sister could not be any more special and perfect.

A couple weeks later, September 11, I went down to Tulsa (with 3 1/2 week old baby "E" in tow) to meet "H" in person for the first time. Again, it was like I was meeting a dear friend. I got to go to a Dr. Appt. with her and then we had a coffee date...I seriously did not want our time to end. She gave me ultrasound pictures to take home with me, pictures of the most handsome baby boy I'd ever seen in utero. Can't even describe what a blessing she's been to us since the first time we talked.  We headed to Tulsa on October 7th, in preparation for the arrival of this precious baby boy.  Our day on Monday, October 8th, was one I'll never forget. We spent the entire day at the hospital with "H's" family, who are now our family. Her sister and her two adorable kiddos, her Mom and Stepdad, her Dad, and her best friend. They welcomed us with open arms and our relationship with them has been a dream come true ever since that day. At 5:25pm, Samuel Steven entered the world and was welcomed into a wonderful, huge, blended, loving family. He was 6 lbs, 19.5 inches long, and pure perfection. Even more awesome, he was born on our 7th wedding anniversary! I love how God puts His stamp on things.

Unfortunately, as has been the case with our entire journey to parenthood, the road became bumpy. Samuel's birthfather has contested the adoption and we are currently in a legal battle to keep this precious baby.  I cannot post details about the case (including why we are so adamant about keeping Samuel safe and in our home and out of a violent situation which brought about the adoption plan to begin with), but we are currently praying for God to work in a mighty way and that we'll have the privilege of raising this precious boy! Every day with him so far has been a blessing, and we fall more in love with him each day!

Zoo Adventure

We have had some beautiful weather here in Kansas…a bit of a warm-up the last couple days, but today we settled back into gorgeous Fall temperatures. I used to hate Fall, but realized that I only hated it because it led to Winter. Fall is actually my favorite season now! Anyhow, to take advantage of the wonderful day (and a “buy-one-cookie-get-one-free” coupon I had…haha), we ventured out to the Kansas City Zoo. My parents give us a zoo membership each year for our anniversary and we love it! Free dates all year long! I can’t wait to bring kiddos to the zoo, but Steve and I have also enjoyed several trips to the various zoos in places we’ve lived since we’ve been married (the Minnesota Zoo, the Oklahoma City Zoo, and now the Kansas City Zoo…all wonderful in their own unique ways).

We seemed to get to the zoo at naptime…all the animals were asleep! Luckily, they were also taking advantage of the nice weather, so they were all napping in the sunshine and we could still see them. Adorable! First, we saw the leopard…snug as a bug in a rug. Doesn’t look so dangerous when it’s sleeping, huh?

Then, we hung out with the gorillas. This one was all curled up by the tree.

This guy was Steve’s favorite. He was just chillin’…

I, personally, was fond of this guy. He was sitting in a pose that seemed to be saying “Wazzup?” which totally reminded me of my Dad (anyone that knows my Dad will understand this...and no, I'm not saying he reminds me of a gorilla).

As I was getting my phone out to send a picture to my Dad, he decided it was naptime, too.

I could have hung out with those guys all day…but we kept trucking along the Africa exhibit and came upon a pride of lions. Aren’t they amazing?

In keeping with the spirit of The Lion King’s recent re-release into theaters, we checked out the Meerkats (Timon, anyone?)

Two of them were completely out cold, but one still had a bit of exploring to do.

Until he decided it was also sleepy time. Haha!

Don’t worry; they always have a buddy on the lookout for any predators.

This is actually called the Sentry. Their role is to watch for predators or other potential dangers. The zoo is quite educational!

Our final animal stop along the way was the Rhino, who was also quite tired. The shadow of his eyelid makes it look like his eye is open, but he is also sound asleep.

Thus concludes our Kansas City Zoo Nap Tour. Well, except for a quick stop for our cookies on the way out…yummy! We had such a fun day at the zoo. Hopefully next time we go, we'll have a stroller in tow!

Finally...the Moment We've Been Waiting For...

This has been announced on Facebook, and elsewhere, but I need to make it "Blog Official." Mostly because I want to use this as a memory book of sorts, so I need to be sure it's recorded here!! After lots and lots (and lots) of waiting in our journey to become parents...we have been chosen by a birthmom!! It seems to get more and more real as the due date gets closer, so I figured I'd better get this recorded on the blog pronto!

We actually got the call back on March 27th. We found out there was a birthmother that picked us, and was due this fall. Whew, what a wait! We are so, so thankful for "J" and the gift she is giving us...a baby boy! He's due October 13th. Just 5 1/2 weeks away! Since we found out so early, and haven't had a lot of communication (bummer...we are still praying that we can build a relationship with our amazing birthmom and her family), it just hasn't seemed very real. Now, things are getting closer, and we are having a hard time keeping our excitement at bay. We are cautiously optimistic, and continue to pray for "J," her family, and, of course our sweet baby boy!

Another answer to prayer is that we get to meet "J" next week! We pray that she will see the light of Christ in us, and that there will be peace for everyone involved based on this meeting. It's such a blessing to be able to meet our birthmom before this little guy is born, and we pray that God can use us in "J's" life so that she knows just how loved she is by our family. Anyone that knows me knows that I just want to smother her with love, encouragement, and affirmation, but the road of open adoption is a tricky one. We have to really be sensitive to "J's" needs/wants/desires and make sure that above all else, she is comfortable with the relationship that we have, no matter how open it is.

I'll leave you all with some answers to the most common questions/comments we've been getting. Thank you for being a part of this journey! This is just the beginning!

Do you have a name picked out?
We have been slow on this one. I think we've just been really guarded about the whole thing, and it is a big job to name a child! We have given him a couple nicknames up to this point, as I have enjoyed playing up his meteorologist daddy. We've been calling him "Hale Storm Irwin" and "Storm Chasen Irwin"...haha! These are not the real names we're considering at this point...hehe. We are close to settling on a name, but we're going to see if "J" wants to have any input. We'd definitely be open to that! We've also decided to keep the name a surprise, so once we do actually decide...you will just have to wait in suspense! :) Don't worry...not much longer!

You'll probably get pregnant now that you're adopting.
Oh man, if I had a quarter for every time someone said that to me. :) Everyone seems to "know someone who knows someone" that has adopted and then subsequently conceived a biological child. This could definitely happen (especially since we've had no proven infertility), but it is actually statistically not common. This is one of those myths that can give the wrong impression, so I wanted to "debunk" it here. Even if it were the case, we'd hate for our adopted child to ever think that he or she was simply the catalyst we used in order to have biological children. We've always said that our desire, first and foremost, is to be parents, regardless of how God chooses to build our family. Although most people that make the comment that "you'll probably have your 'own' child now" are well-meaning, it can give the implication that our adopted children were not our first choice. We can't wait to see how God builds our family, and hope that our friends and family understand what a blessing adoption is in its own right. Adoption is definitely not "Plan B" for us :)

What if "J" changes her mind?
Well, that is definitely a possibility. Adoption is never a sure thing. That is one reason why we are so invested in caring for the birthmom first. We want to be sure she knows we're 100% behind her in any decision she makes. The bottom line is, this is her baby first. We would be absolutely honored if she entrusts us with this sweet boy, but we also understand that we are not entitled to him by any means. This is one roller coaster that we are happy to be on for the long haul. We continuously pray that God keeps our focus outward, and not on ourselves. Some days this is easier than others, but He is faithful, and we can trust our hearts to His care. No matter what happens in this situation, He's got our backs. How awesome is that?

That's all I can think of for now, but if anyone has questions, please don't hesitate to ask! We love educating people about open adoption (as we've had a lot to learn, and will continue to learn along the way). It's such an incredible thing to be a part of, and we wouldn't change our journey to parenthood, regardless of the twists and turns we've had over the past 3 1/2 years.

More updates to come! We're so excited to meet "J" next week, and we definitely appreciate your prayers as we continue this journey to our first child!

Did I mention...

...how blessed I am? As I go back through the pictures that I need to post here, I am reminded of how God has surrounded me with so many amazing people. Family and friends that support me, love me, and make me who I am. Since I've moved around so much in the last several years, many of "my people" are out of state. Some in Minnesota, some in California, some in Oklahoma...all places I've lived in the last seven years. How lucky am I that people came from as far as Minnesota and California to come see The Sound of Music? For two weekends in a row, we had the blessing of friends and family visiting and I know that is such a statement of God's provision in our lives. He has not only provided Steve with a job here in Kansas that uses his very specialized degree in Meteorology, but he's also provided support for us wherever we land. And then that support system continues to be a part of our lives even as we move from place to place!

Our first June visitors were Steve's parents (I have incredible in-laws, by the way) and also my best friend Gretchen, her mom Diane (who is really like one of my other moms), and her sweet little boy Aden (her hubby Ryan had to stay back and work - bummer!). We had such fun while they were here. Of course, we took them to Shawnee Mission Park and they braved the heat and enjoyed the sunshine with us. Steve and his dad got to do a little fishing, too! They caught (and released) some good ones.

We also had a little visitor while fishing...gave me the heebeejeebees! Ewwww!

Saturday afternoon, before Gretchen, Diane and Aden left, and before our call time for that night's Sound of Music performance, we had a great barbeque at the park. Here's Aden enjoying his dinner. Isn't he precious?!? Love that boy.

It was wonderful to share that time with family and friends, and we got even more of the same the following weekend when my parents, my brother Eric and sister-in-law Katherine, and my friend Kristine came into town. It had been seven months since I'd seen my parents and Eric & Katherine, and five years since I'd seen Kristine!

Of course, besides providing them with entertainment in the form of a lovely evening of theatre (pronounced theat-ah, for effect), we also put my dad to work. Haha. I am in the process of making cloth wipes (to go along with my hopes of being a cloth diapering momma), and asked if I could use their serger to allow for better looking edges on the fabric. My dad loves a challenge, and it had been awhile since the serger had been used, so he enjoyed navigating the trickiness that is the serger. Unfortunately, by the time we figured it out, we only had time to serge two wipes. Oops! I'll be finishing the rest soon.

It was also fun to take them to a couple of our favorite eating venues. We don't go out to eat much, so it's fun to have a reason! There is a fabulous little brunch place near us that makes the most incredible food! If you are ever in the Kansas City area, I highly recommend checking out Eggtc (catchy name, huh?). Based on the smiles, I think our guests approved (Eric and Katherine hadn't gotten to KC quite yet...they'll have to take part in the deliciousness next time).

Another favorite was a trendy new self-serve frozen yogurt place called Peachwave. We are enamored with this place. They sent us grand opening coupons in the mail, which proved to be an excellent marketing tool, because we keep going back! Kristine and I ate there almost every day that she was here...for reals. It's that good.

Here is my brother and his lovely bride.

Seriously...look at these masterpieces. YUM!

And, well, you guessed it...we went to the park. It was pretty hot out, so we didn't stay long, but we did come across some cute little families. These yearlings (teenage geese, as I like to call them) kept getting closer and closer to us as they picked through the grass for bugs (or whatever they were hoping to eat). Their dad walks right up to us and starts hissing! Seriously, dude, keep your kids in line, don't hiss at us when they are getting in our space. Geez...parents these days. Ha!

We had so much fun with our 2nd weekend's worth of visitors. And an extra bonus was that Kristine stayed with us for a few more days before heading to Vegas (she is one busy girl! So many vacations to take, so many people vying for her presence!). Kristine is a chef, and an avid Food Network fan. She's visited several restaurants that have been featured on the show Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives. Kansas City is famous for its barbeque, so she did her research and introduced us to some amazing BBQ! The best ones are the hole-in-the-wall places, and it was so much fun to discover so many new places to eat here in KC! One of our favorites was Woodyard BBQ...it was so good! They even let Kristine cook! Well, maybe...

We're so blessed to have had lots of visitors in June. Thanks everyone for coming to see us, and supporting another one of my theatre adventures! Next up...pics of the show! Can't believe it was over a month ago...this summer is FLYING! What fun things are you doing this summer?

Month of Ups and Downs...

I'll touch on each of these soon in their own separate blog posts, but here are a few highlights of our past month:

-Up...I got cast in one of the shows at Theatre in the Park! You can guess based on this blog post that I was very pleasantly surprised to see my name when they posted the cast lists for the season. Was honored to play Sister Margaretta in their first show of 2011 - one of my personal favorites (for obvious reasons), The Sound of Music. SUCH a blast...they are already onto their 2nd show of the season (my, how time flies!) and I am so happy to now be a part of the Theatre in the Park family!

-Down...we said goodbye to our baby, Norman, over Memorial Day weekend. He was suffering from cluster seizures and we had to make an agonizing decision to put him down. One of the worst experiences we've had to deal with as a couple (rivaling Memorial Day weekend 2008, when we miscarried our first baby)

-Up...we completed the process to become licensed foster parents! We cannot wait to welcome some kiddos into our home, yet our hearts break as we realize their world will be rocked by whatever circumstances lead to their need for temporary care

-Up...we had great times with several groups of visitors who came to town to see The Sound of Music. My best friend Gretchen, along with her mom and her son Aden were among the first. Then Steve's parents came, followed by my parents and my brother and sister-in-law. So blessed with their visits! My friend Kristine also came to visit all the way from California...and I hadn't seen her in 5 (way too) long years! Again, more to come in separate posts.

So...mainly "ups," with a very sad "down." Even in the sad parts, though, we are just so thankful for what God has given us, where He is bringing us (as a couple, and also closer to Him), and the people He's used to bless us. I can't wait to fill you in...

At long last...the call that {almost} changed our lives forever...

Well, now that it's been almost 4 months since this occurred, I'd better document it for my patient reader(s?) :) You may remember from this post, that Steve and I had a pretty exciting several days back in January. We'd just had a great day at the park Cross Country Skiing and enjoying God's amazing creation and were at home relaxing and watching some Jeopardy (I know...another wild afternoon at the Irwin's place!). My cell phone rang and it was the director of CPO (our agency)...she was needing a copy of our original home study, because she couldn't find it. She said that they were getting pretty busy, and she wanted to be sure she had immediate access to our file, rather than continuing to look for her other copy. "No problem," I said, feeling so great to be in touch with them again. As you probably remember, our agency's primary purpose is as a ministry to birthmoms in crisis pregnancies. Many of these birthmoms choose adoption plans for their babies, so they need to have families for these babies - "providing families for babies, not babies for families." Anyway, since they are taking such great care of these birthmoms (CPO supports these girls through either choice: parenting or an adoption plan, which is one of the things I just love about them), coupled with the fact that we are out of the Tulsa area, we don't get to be as involved with them as we'd like to be. This also means that we can feel "out of the loop" in many ways. We completely stand behind CPO and their ministry, so we understand that it's not about us...it's about these girls. But still, it was so nice to hear Cheryl's voice, reconnect, and get to talk to her for a bit.

After I hung up the phone, I actually lamented to Steve a little bit (warning: selfishness creeping in here). I mentioned that I'd finally been able to stop constantly thinking about our adoption and becoming a mom, etc. and had begun enjoying life and "moving on," I guess you could say. My way of protecting my heart after almost 3 years of disappointment, I suppose. Either way, I don't ever want to "move on" or stop thinking about our adoption, because even if we don't know our birthmom yet, we still need to be praying for her every day! I think there is a big difference between contentment in our "now" and just flat out not trusting that God's best is really the best, regardless of how it compares with my perceived "best." I was definitely leaning more toward the not trusting God, and just conceding that He didn't care about me or my desires so I should just give up.

Anyhow...so we started making arrangements to fax Cheryl an extra copy of our home study and went on with our evening. Then things got interesting :) She called again about 20 minutes later and told us the actual reason behind needing our home study so quickly. There was a birthmom who was basically due that day, and she wanted to make an adoption plan. Her parents didn't even know about the pregnancy and she wanted to keep it that way. Cheryl said she (birthmom) was in touch with the CPO Doula (how cool is it that they provide a doula for these girls?!) and that the doula (Lisa) would be in touch with us soon to give us an update. Steve and I looked at each other in shock, and started making phone calls - just to our parents at that point. It was so fun to tell them that they might be grandparents so soon!! We were in a state of shock, and sort of panicked about what we still didn't have and needed. We made a trip to Target while in a bit of a cloud, I filled in our HR manager and my Team Lead about the possibility of us needing to head to Tulsa soon, and we picked up a few onesies and bottles...we had no idea what we needed to bring. After a few conversations with Lisa throughout the next day, we decided it was time for us to drive to Tulsa. We were so blessed to be welcomed into the Wyatt's home again (they were the ones that hosted us during the Waiting Families Workshop in November).

As we got to Tulsa, things were still so crazy and up in the air. The only contact that any of us had with this birthmom (BM) was over Facebook and/or email...I think Lisa had talked with her on the phone. It was a heartbreaking story (normally, I wouldn't be disclosing any of this, but once you get to the end of this post, you'll realize why it's ok). During that next couple days, things started getting a bit strange, and pieces of this story were falling apart. I won't go into details, but even as I think about the whole situation now - 4 months later - I still am so impressed with what a very believable, intricate story it was, and how things seemed to unfold and progress so naturally. As you can probably guess by now, it was not a case of the birthmother changing her mind (which is definitely a possibility in any open adoption, and we would completely support a birthmom in her decision to parent), it was a complete scam. But, here's the amazing thing. God protected our hearts in such a huge way! We went down to Tulsa with the attitude of supporting this particular BM, and not even focusing on the possibility of becoming parents. We had a strong prayer support system during those several days, and we could just feel God's peace. I think the most upset I got at the end was strictly embarrassment for "falling for" a scam...and it was short-lived. You see, there are enough "unbelievable" stories out there that do end up being completely real, that it is just too much of a risk not to support these girls when they need it. And though this particular case was a scam in terms of a fake birthmother, the fact that someone was reaching out for help remains unchanged. I pray that she - whomever she is - still saw the light of Christ in us. I just can't regret showing love to someone that clearly was reaching out for it. Another blessing was that it gave me an opportunity to talk with a birthmom for the first time (real or not), which can be an intimidating idea. And we could put our actions where our mouths have been this entire time. We of course want to be parents, but the whole reason we signed on with this particular agency is that we want to partner with them in their ministry to these birthmoms, whether we are blessed with a baby or not. God gave us a chance to actually demonstrate that.

So there you have it. The call that {almost} changed our lives. So much changed as a result of that one phone call. And although it didn't change our lives the way in which we always envisioned "the call," it refocused our perspective on God's plan for us to become parents. We now remember how important it is to pray consistently for our birthmom(s) and our future child(ren), even though the who/when/etc. details are not yet completely tangible. We were able to continue moving forward with the process of becoming licensed foster parents. We have taken the opportunity to prepare for a child to come into our home, rather than "let's just not think about it until it seems like more of a sure thing." Oh, and we also got to spend a few days with a pretty incredible family...

God is Good - ALL the time!

¹³ You created every part of me;
you put me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because you are to be feared;
all you do is strange and wonderful.
I know it with all my heart.
¹⁵ When my bones were being formed,
carefully put together in my mother's womb,
when I was growing there in secret,
you knew that I was there
¹⁶ you saw me before I was born.
The days allotted to me
had all been recorded in your book,
before any of them ever began.

Psalm 139:13 - 16

Winter Wonderland!

We have had a winter here in Kansas that makes me reminiscent of my Minnesota days…lots of snow! I typically am not a fan of snow (mainly driving in it…I've actually realized that I do love snow if I don’t have to go anywhere!). Steve and I were excited to break out the cross country skis my parents gave us for Christmas a few years ago. We went to Shawnee Mission Park (of course) and forged some trails. It was absolutely beautiful. Fresh, fluffy snow and a bright blue sunny sky! It couldn’t have been a more perfect day. Here are some pictures documenting our adventure. This adventure actually happened January 20, and I figured I’d better blog about it soon or winter will just keep hanging on (come on, spring!).

Steve was the super manly one that forged the path. I was so bundled up, it took me awhile to get my camera out to take a picture of him in action…see him way down there?

Enjoying our own seemingly private tour of the park, we made fresh ski tracks, and even came across some deer tracks!

Anyone who knows Steve well knows he is an AMAZING downhill skier. So he humored me and pretended to get into his tuck. Haha. He's a good sport.

Then we found an actual hill! Well, not quite a Black Diamond run, but good enough for me! And Steve was definitely a fan of the “fresh powder”

Here are our tracks!

I was wondering where the ski lift was…

But I made it!

We had so much fun, but after several runs down our hill, we remembered we had to trek all the way back home...

With a few photo ops along the way…

P.S. That little love note in the snow was done by my amazing husband. He's so romantical. I just love him! We had such an incredible afternoon together, and after we got home, we hobbled walked around our apartment complex with Norman, so he could enjoy the nice day, too. Then, being the hip young couple that we are, we settled in for a nice late afternoon watching some Jeopardy. That evening, we got the phone call that (almost) changed our lives forever…

I'm in LOVE, I'm in LOVE, and I don't care who knows it!

That is one of my favorite lines (from the movie "Elf")...but I'm sure it's no secret who has this girl's heart, even without shouting it from the mountain tops. On this Valentine's Day, I am reminded just how blessed I am to be married to such an amazing man. One who:

• Loves God with all his heart, and is opening himself up to what God is doing in ways like never before
• Works tirelessly to support our family, and worked so hard to get to the point where he could do so
• Has grown into such an incredible leader for our family (even when his wife is not the easiest girl to lead)
• Shares my heart for adoption and also the ministry that goes with our journey of open adoption
• Has a huge heart for missions and wants to be used by God in ways that previously would have made him uncomfortable
• Constantly looks for ways that he can love me better, and has the most gentle servant's heart
• Is going to be the most incredible Daddy to some very lucky kids

How lucky am I?! Over the last 6 1/2 years, I have had the privilege of watching God work in Steve's heart, taking him out of what used to be his comfort zone, and transforming an already amazing man into so much more. Walking along side of him on this journey of life causes me to rethink my priorities and strive to "act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God" (taken from Micah 6:8).

I cannot wait to see what God does in and through us as we enter this next year together. We both feel like we're just now getting started on the life we want to live, and want to be sure to keep our focus where it belongs...how we can best be used by the One who created us.

Happy Valentine's Day to my loving, amazing, compassionate, talented, handsome, funny, incredible sweetheart!

I am so thankful for you and I love you so much! You are truly the best one.

Fun with Friends in January...

Yeah, I know…it’s February…which is why I'd better finish this post pronto! We were blessed with TWO visits from friends in January, both of which were fabulous!

Our first visit was from the Calvarese family. Jessica is one of my closest friends from Oklahoma. We met Jessica and her husband Justin in our Newlyweds flock at Henderson Hills Baptist Church back in 2007. My friendship with Jessica flourished over email, actually, as we would encourage each other through tough work days (and then when Jessica was done working, she’d encourage me through tough work days while I could encourage her in her new job as a mommy!). They have two precious boys, Ian and Owen, whom I call my “Oklahoma nephews.” It just melts my heart when I hear Ian call us “Aunt Liesl” and “Uncle Steve.” LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that.

The Calvareses came for New Year’s Eve weekend and we had a blast, despite some very cold temperatures! Since our favorite activities revolve around Shawnee Mission Park, it was a bummer that it was so cold! But Justin, Jessica, Ian, and Owen were troopers and we were able to show them a little bit of the park.

We also went to some fun local places that I hadn’t seen yet, like shopping at The Legends, and lunch at Winsteads, a super cool (and tasty!) local diner. I was so excited to introduce Jessica and Justin to my favorite coffee in the world…Caribou Coffee! They loved it.

(Photo courtesy of Jessica)

We also went swimming at their hotel, and just enjoyed each others’ company! We are so blessed by them!

Here are some more photos courtesy of Jessica...

A couple weeks later, we had a visit from our friends Jen and Jason, as they passed through Kansas City on their way to visit some more friends in Arkansas. Jen is actually one of my sister Christi’s college roommates and Marching Band buddies from the U of MN, and during my sophomore year at the U of MN, we all lived together as my sister finished medical school, Jen went to grad school, and my friend Julie and I were undergrads. So Jen has always been like another big sister to me. When I followed Christi’s footsteps and joined the U of MN Marching Band (I’ve always looked up to her and wanted to do things she did!), Jen was on staff and I can’t even tell you how much that put me at ease during my first weeks at college.

Jen and Jason were married just 5 weeks before Steve and I were, so we have that fun bond as well! Jen and Jason are avid outdoorsmen (outdoorspeople?) and I could not wait to show them “our” park. I knew they were going to love it. Even better, we had gotten some snow right before their arrival, so that added a whole new adventure! Jason especially enjoyed collecting acorns at the park so he can plant his own tree.

We had so much fun hiking and laughing. And, since Jen works at an environmental learning center in Northern Minnesota, their visit was also very educational!

Jason taught us about deer markings on trees...

Jen found a bird nest with a nice little blanket of snow on it...

Jason displayed his love for trees...

And Jen and I met a new friend!

Such a fun day of hiking through a beautiful snow-filled park!

We really enjoyed our time with our friends! Thanks, guys, for coming to see us!