Lessons We're Learning in the Battle

I just posted this on our Facebook prayer page, but wanted to post it here, too, so I have a reminder to go back to over and over again. God is teaching me lots these days in terms of waiting on Him and resting in Him alone.  :)

There is a scripture passage by Paul that has been really sticking out to me lately. I have many friends that have had a much smoother road to parenthood, whether through adoption, fostering-to-adoption, or even births of several biological children (or even on a less-than-smooth road, their panic moments may have been shorter, and closure has come more quickly) and I admit to being tempted to question God's love for me in the process. Silly, I know, but we've heard many success stories and while we rejoice with each one, we're at the point that those just aren't helpful when trying to compare with our own journey because it's just a further reminder that God hasn't taken away our "thorn" yet, and Satan can so easily invade my mind with thoughts of "see, God obviously loves them, but not you"...they are blatant lies, but when we see our circumstances above the Truth of God's word, we can be tempted to believe them. Comparison is such a dangerous thing. Anyone else struggle with this? I'm sure each of you have your own personal struggles as well that Satan can use (he is so good at helping us compare our unique story to others' stories, isn't he? Sneaky and wrong). But if we keep our focus on the attributes of God, and who He is -- not just "what can He do for me?" even though we certainly are blessed by God in immeasurable ways, too! Anyone see that gorgeous sunset last night? But that's not the only time we should praise Him. We need praise Him simply because He is worthy of our praise. Not always easy to put in practice, but so worth it. I guess that's why they call it a "sacrifice of praise" sometimes. Anyhow, so in this looooooong trial of Samuel's adoption journey, I admit I've questioned why God hasn't ended it for us yet. I see the hundreds of lives touched by his story, and I know that we should be honored to be used in that way (and we are), but the human side of me can be ugly and selfish and just "want our turn for a happy ending." I was thinking about this past year and every single terrifying obstacle we've had, and even though God hasn't delivered us completely with a finalized adoption (yet), He has been more than faithful in bringing us through every single scary moment, and even giving us many unexpected blessings along the way. Remember a year ago when Jessica first set up this prayer page? We were having a routine visit with Samuel's birthmom and family in Tulsa, and it turned into a possibility of losing Samuel that week because of some court filings that happened to go through at the same time (filings which turned out to be incorrect, of course, but still scary!). But God! He allowed Samuel to come home with us that week, and we've had an entire year of similar miracles! As we near the (hopeful) end of this journey, we are getting so antsy and our minds are constantly thinking "enough already!!" but God is not through with Samuel's miraculous story quite yet. Even still, there is absolutely no question that He's walking every step of the way with us, giving us victories along the way. If you are struggling with something and wondering why others seem to have an easier time with something that is your biggest thorn (everyone's "thorn" is different)...don't let Satan lie to you and tell you God just must not love you as much then. God is working in our biggest weaknesses to show His grace and power. Does it make it fun? Absolutely not. But today I pray I can begin to have Paul's attitude more and more as we walk through this (I've attended more pity parties this past 5 years than I care to admit). He says in 2 Corinthians 12:7-10: "Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." This is good stuff, folks! I hope you all had a blessed Christmas, and as always, thank you for being warriors for Samuel (and us!). You are the best!

Remembering "The Call"...

One year ago today, I was on my way to a facial appointment (hmmm...I should have done that again to commemorate, hehe) and got a phone call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach that changed our lives. We'd been chosen as an adoptive family by a birthmom who happened to be due on our wedding anniversary! Later that afternoon, we got to meet the most incredible woman over Skype, and hit it off immediately. 

Many of you know we've had a couple failed adoptions before this, but this call was different. When we "met" H over skype, I felt like we'd already been friends and known each other. From that first call, we've formed an incredible bond that is hard to describe. God has made beauty from ashes in a tough, unfair situation, and H made an incredibly selfless choice for her son. We love sweet H more than words can say, and are just so thankful God brought our paths together through a precious, ornery, amazing, thriving little boy.  

I will never forget the day we got "the call"...we continue to pray that God is working in the hearts of Samuel's birthfather and family, and that we will get to finalize this adoption soon, this time of uncertainty can end, and we can (officially) be a family. Keep those prayers coming, friends. Love you all!

So How Are You, Really???

I've had people ask me this question, and I'm sure many others who are wondering. It's not a secret that the journey we've been on has been a difficult one. We've gone from "surprise, we're pregnant" back in 2008 to "just kidding, we lost our baby" to "hmmmm...weird, we're not getting pregnant again and don't know why" to "we've always wanted to adopt...let's start the process now!" Then came two failed adoptions, falling in love with precious foster kids and grieving the loss of them when they leave our home, to our current journey of an incredible open adoption of a precious baby boy that we love so much it literally hurts. And the reason it hurts is because we are still surrounded by the black cloud of uncertainty regarding our future with him, which completely contradicts how perfect the situation seems apart from that black cloud. Samuel is absolutely thriving here, we have an open adoption with his birthmom and her family that I honestly believe sets the bar for what I'd call an ideal open adoption situation. Yet, each day that passes...Steve and I still can't bring ourselves to even call Samuel our son (like we'd jinx it or something?) and my heart aches at the possibility that he may not remain in our home for the long haul. Don't get me wrong, I know that every single day is a blessing with him and we are soaking up every second.  But we want so badly to plan for the future as a family, and yet my heart is so afraid to do that, because we've seen only disappointment so far.  My heart is so full of happiness for friends who have been blessed with kids, whether biological, through adoption, or fostering which has resulted in adoption...yet, I long so much for our turn.  If I'm completely honest, it makes me question a lot of things...does God really love me? Am I really meant to be a mommy?  Anyone that sees Steve and me with these kids that have been in our home would see just how much we love being parents...it feels so right, Steve is seriously the BEST daddy ever, and being a mother is a desire I've had in my heart since I was a little girl. Yet, with the fact that none of them have "stuck" so far...it's so difficult not to question it.  Just like if enough people tell you you're ugly, you can't help but start to believe it, ya know?  My heart goes from excitement over the impact our story has on people, to anticipation of an amazing miracle God can do through Samuel's case (and celebration over miracles He's already done!), to despair when I think about how much I love this little boy and how much it hurts to think that there's a possibility we'll lose him if God doesn't choose to answer our prayers the way we're hoping, to stupid jealousy of others' happy endings (ick), then guilt because of the jealousy, loneliness because this is not something others can or should be expected to understand, and so many more emotions. It's such a roller coaster. And I know I need to be so grateful for every moment...but I am also so afraid because every moment that passes could be a moment closer to my heart being ripped out. It's so awful to say, but my prayers are mixed with "God, I know you can do this miracle...please show yourself mighty!" and "God, if you are going to take him away from us, please stop dragging this out because every day we love him even more and I can't imagine losing him...just get it over with so we can grieve and move on."  I really don't mean that in a "giving up" sort of way (we have made it pretty clear that as long as God blesses us with Samuel in our home, we're going to fight for him...and have been blessed with many supporters--both prayerfully and financially--so that we can continue to do so), but as a "please, Lord, spare my heart from having to go through this hurt again."  I feel like I'm begging God to move quickly because I just don't know how much more I can take of the uncertainty. My heart may literally explode, or shut down, or something. Seriously. So there you have it. Raw, unedited (not necessarily pretty, I realize) truth to how I am coping (or, at times, not coping...haha!). We so appreciate your continued prayers, encouragement, and just the fact that you're willing to walk this crazy journey with us. I am pretty sure I'd be a puddle on the floor if we didn't have such great support. Next attempt at a court hearing...June 19th. Praying for miracles and God's protection over this amazing little boy. The roller coaster continues...

It's About That Time...Adoption Fundraiser Time!!!

When we began this adoption process, we set aside funds for the adoption fee as well as home study fees, attorney fees, etc. Unfortunately, this has turned into a larger legal battle than we’d planned for, so we are in need of some additional funds.  We truly believe God is fighting this battle for us, and as long as He continues to provide the resources (which He certainly has to this point), we will fight for this precious boy.  We certainly don’t view these ongoing legal fees as a problem, but they are now definitely a matter that needs to be addressed. The amount of funds needed might be a BIG amount, but so is our God. And He is also the protector of the weak, which we’re believing for in Samuel’s case. And when He calls you to adopt, He also provides you with the resources to do so. We don’t believe He’s called us this far just to give up.

So here we are, needing to raise some money.
And we’re super excited about how we’re going to do it!

Here’s how it works:

§  We have four puzzles, 285 pieces each (for a total of 1,140 pieces), custom made with the designs from the t-shirt contest and/or pictures of this precious baby boy.

§  For $10, a person/family purchases 1 piece of the jigsaw puzzle.

§  You can purchase as many puzzle pieces as you wish!
$10 = 1 piece
$50 = 5 pieces
$100 = 10 pieces

§  We will write the name of the person/family on the back of the piece(s) purchased.

§  As the puzzle pieces are purchased, we will take pictures to show the progress (how’s that for alliteration? Haha!).

§  When all the pieces have been purchased we will frame the puzzles to display in our home as a reminder of the support and love shown to us during the adoption process.

§  We’ll frame each completed puzzle in a two-sided frame to show not only the beautiful designs and pictures, but also the names of each and every person who played a role in this journey.

§  100% of the funds donated will go directly to adoption fees.

We are crazy about the idea and meaning behind this fundraiser, though we can’t take credit for the idea, as we found it on Pinterest (from this blog). We absolutely LOVE the idea of Samuel growing up looking at the puzzle-art on his wall that was designed with love by people wanting to support his cause...and then flipping it over to show him a tangible reminder of just how many people were helping to fight this battle to keep him home and safe with us. Oh man, it’s just so cool to think about, isn't it?

Soooooooo...If you and/or anyone you know would be interested in taking part in this adventure, we’ve set up a P.O. Box so that checks can be sent directly and there will be no privacy issues (just because of a safety-issue involved in our particular case). And, that way, we can all share this fundraiser with anyone willing to listen!

Checks can be sent directly to:

Steve and Liesl Irwin

P.O. Box 861211

Shawnee, KS 66286-1211 
** Update: We have moved as of January 2014, so this address is no longer valid; however, our legal battle continues. If you feel led to participate in this fundraiser, please comment with your email address and I'll be happy to send you our address! Or, you can also use paypal (info is below). Thanks so much!

**Update: If you prefer to use PayPal, our email address for that is liesllynn (at) yahoo (dot) com.

Please know that all money raised will go directly into our adoption fund to be used for our ongoing legal expenses involved in Samuel’s case. Also, I have to mention as I have before that we don’t know how this case will turn out. We do pray for complete victory and that we’ll have the privilege of raising Samuel as our son, as his brave and amazing birthmom chose us to do. But without this fundraising, we wouldn’t even be able to continue to fight this legal battle for that chance, so we are beyond grateful for you all. And we sure appreciate your continued prayers...more than you even know.

“And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:19

Been Awhile...ok, a Looooong while...

Boy, has our life been a roller coaster. Not that that's anything new...life's been an adventure since we've been married (maybe I should have been more careful when I told Steve after our first date "I can't wait 'til our next adventure"). Haha.  This roller coaster has been an emotional one, but not one that I'd take with anyone else but my love, Steve. He is truly my God-given gift, and my rock here on earth.

Back when we had our last failed adoption, I dragged my feet in getting our Home Study update done (call it my 31-year-old version of a toddler tantrum). I was frustrated with God, and afraid to hope again. But as much as I begged God to give us peace about closing the door to adoption (crazy how closing the door to a dream of parenthood sounded much easier than hoping and being disappointed again, huh? But it did)...God never gave us the peace to give up. So we contacted our social worker to come and do our "update" interview. That day, our life changed as well. We were called with a foster care placement of a 10-day-old baby boy. One that would change our world for the better, and one that would stay with us for almost 10 glorious months. Dillon changed our lives, and we've been so blessed to be welcomed as family by his birth family...we still are close to them and look forward to maintaining that wonderful relationship and watching precious Dillon grow up!  The day he went home to his birthdad was a bittersweet day for us, but literally as we were walking out the door of their house (praising God that it was not a "forever" goodbye!), we got a call for another foster placement. This time, a one-week-old baby girl, baby "E." Oh, how we loved her as well, and we were blessed to have her in our home for almost 2 months before she was moved to another foster home in Missouri where her siblings were staying. I won't lie and say I don't want to keep every single kiddo that comes into our home, but we praise God for the opportunity to love these kids while we have the chance and pray for our family to be expanded with "forever kiddos" one day soon.  Which leads to the next adventure.

The week after Dillon went home to his Daddy and Grandparents, we got a call from Crisis Pregnancy Outreach. We'd been chosen again by a birthmom, and she wanted to "interview" us via Skype that day.  August 29, 2012, will be a day that I will remember forever. I'd scheduled a facial that morning, and got the call when I was on my way out there. I called Steve to give him a brief rundown before my appointment, and then thought about this incredible news throughout my entire one-hour facial. It was surreal.  I got home and the rest of the day was a blur. We had another phone conference (for something else) immediately before our Skype call with this birthmother, and the events of that day just FLEW by.  When we began our Skype call with "H," it was as if I was talking to a dear friend...I felt like we hit it off that quickly (at least that's how it was on our side...I can't speak for "H," haha!).  She is one of the most fabulous women I have known, and what I'd always hoped for in a birthmother for an open adoption. We pursued open adoption for a reason, to build a relationship with the birth families of our precious babies, and the fact that "H" feels like my sister could not be any more special and perfect.

A couple weeks later, September 11, I went down to Tulsa (with 3 1/2 week old baby "E" in tow) to meet "H" in person for the first time. Again, it was like I was meeting a dear friend. I got to go to a Dr. Appt. with her and then we had a coffee date...I seriously did not want our time to end. She gave me ultrasound pictures to take home with me, pictures of the most handsome baby boy I'd ever seen in utero. Can't even describe what a blessing she's been to us since the first time we talked.  We headed to Tulsa on October 7th, in preparation for the arrival of this precious baby boy.  Our day on Monday, October 8th, was one I'll never forget. We spent the entire day at the hospital with "H's" family, who are now our family. Her sister and her two adorable kiddos, her Mom and Stepdad, her Dad, and her best friend. They welcomed us with open arms and our relationship with them has been a dream come true ever since that day. At 5:25pm, Samuel Steven entered the world and was welcomed into a wonderful, huge, blended, loving family. He was 6 lbs, 19.5 inches long, and pure perfection. Even more awesome, he was born on our 7th wedding anniversary! I love how God puts His stamp on things.

Unfortunately, as has been the case with our entire journey to parenthood, the road became bumpy. Samuel's birthfather has contested the adoption and we are currently in a legal battle to keep this precious baby.  I cannot post details about the case (including why we are so adamant about keeping Samuel safe and in our home and out of a violent situation which brought about the adoption plan to begin with), but we are currently praying for God to work in a mighty way and that we'll have the privilege of raising this precious boy! Every day with him so far has been a blessing, and we fall more in love with him each day!

You're Already Amazing - {Book Review}

It’s been quite awhile since our failed adoption in October, and I’ve been at such a crossroads regarding things to say here in the blog world.  Several months of discouragement, and wonderfulness, and frustration, and encouragement, and above all else, being drawn closer to God and continually refined in the process, have left my mind swirling, but not quite organized enough to relay things on the blog…yet.  However, in the meantime, I’ve been given the opportunity by the fabulous folks at Revell Publishing and (in)courage, to review Holley Gerth’s new book, 
You’re Already Amazing: Embracing Who You Are, Becoming All God Created You to Be.  

Image courtesy of dayspring.com

Pretty timely, huh?

This book is exactly what the author envisions it to be:  a heart-to-heart message from a trusted friend.  Her writing is God-inspired, truthful, and best of all, so encouraging!  Holley not only offers great truths from the Bible about who God has created us to be, but also (my favorite) gives practical ways to seek Him in discovering who exactly that is.  It’s an interactive book that you can write all over as you discover these truths.  It’s no “self-help” book--which is awesome...it’s a “dig deep and really discover who God created, loves, and wants to use for His kingdom” book.  Helping us to discover what our God-given strengths are, and what skills can be utilized with those strengths.  God wants to use us, and He's the One who gave us these strengths and skills!  I love Holley's example on page 32:

“While strengths stay consistent throughout our lives, the skills that display them vary depending on the season we’re in and the specific assignment God has given us…while what we do may change, the reason we do it stays the same. ‘Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God’ (1 Corinthians 10:31).” 

What an awesome challenge and encouraging motivation at the same time!  We can use things for which God has given us desires and ability (in other words, things we actually enjoy and are good at!), in order to further His kingdom and bring Him glory.

If you’re wanting to discover your God-given purposes in this life, you definitely want to check out Holley’s book. She gets right into the meat of things, making the bold claim that “you’re already amazing” (on the back cover, she hits it straight on, saying we don’t have to do more, be more, have more). But she’s also realistic in understanding that we’re probably not going to just take that bold statement and run with it. We’re women. We don’t always feel amazing, so we’ll question it. And through Holley’s book, God speaks to all of those questions, insecurities, and doubts.  Then takes it further by pushing the reader to discover where we go from here, walking in God’s truth the whole way.  Not intended to be a fluffy “feel-good” narcissistic idea, but truly grasping what it means to be created and loved by our incredible God. Love it.

This will definitely be a book that I recommend and pass on to friends…it’s a great read and will both challenge and encourage you.  And even better, DaySpring offers a line of fun goodies that match in their Heart-to-Heart-with-Holley collection! 


You can also get in on the newest Bloom book club discussion beginning next week on March 26^th, as they are reading this very book!  I’ll definitely be participating in that. You should join me!

Pssssst . . . . I was given this product free to review, and all opinions stated in this here blog are my own J

Blessed and Loved...

 

Blessed and Loved.  Who doesn't like those feelings?  I think we're happiest when we remember and acknowledge just how blessed we are, and also when we feel loved by those around us.  I was honored to receive this Blessed and Loved collection from the fabulous folks at DaySpring to review here on my blog (and I figured it's about time I hop back on this blog-wagon).

This set is absolutely gorgeous and would make such a great gift!  It even comes with a gift wrap bag that includes tissue!  Could it be easier than that?!  I am "gift-wrapping-challenged" so this is perfect.

Image courtesy of dayspring.com

Image courtesy of dayspring.com

For your friends that might enjoy a little daily pick-me-up, there is a wonderful perpetual calendar. I've always been a fan of calendars (I get it from my sweet Grandma Marilyn), and the simple, modern colors and pattern on this one make it quite lovely.  Each day holds an inspirational quote or scripture, and it is now a part of my morning routine to flip the page and read the day's nugget of encouragement.

Image courtesy of dayspring.com

Of course, while enjoying that encouragement, I am sipping coffee or tea from this adorable 8 oz. mug!  It's so petite and cute, and even comes with its own cover which can be used as a coaster.  I feel so dainty when using this beautiful mug.

Image courtesy of dayspring.com

As much as I love the other pieces of this collection, my favorite piece has to be the journal.  Each lined page contains a scripture verse (LOVE this!). This would make such a great prayer journal.  Don't you love going back through prayer journals and seeing how God has answered prayers (sometimes even after we've long forgotten about them?).

Quick, go check out some of the other reviews on the inspired deals page.  This is such a fun way to learn about new dayspring products while seeing them in action!  This month featured four different collections, all of which would make great gifts for your loved ones!  And when they each include matching gift wrap...the work is all done for us!

Pssssst . . . . DaySpring gave me this product free to review, and all opinions stated in this here blog are my own J

Do You Love to Read??? {And A Giveaway!}

This is actually my 100th Blog Post, and I see it quite fitting that it is associated with a GIVEAWAY!!!

I was given the opportunity to review a new DaySpring product...their fabulous recordable storybooks!  You've seen those Hallmark commercials on TV, right?  Where the kiddo is getting ready for bed and they sit and giggle while they hear their Grandparents read them a story...making that story come to life, even when they can't be there with them in person?  Love the concept.  Makes my heart all warm and fuzzy as I think about our (God-willing) future children.  BUT I love these even more, because they take it a step further...they share the love of Christ! There is so much power in spoken word, and I believe God works so strongly in the lives of children.  These books are awesome.

DaySpring has four Recordable storybooks available, and I know they are all wonderful.  The one I received was Bedtime Prayers and Promises and I just love it!

Since we have so much family out of state, these books will be such a blessing to our children.  I can't wait to get some foster (and/or adopted and/or biological) kiddos into our home so we can share these books with them and teach them about our great big, awesome God who LOVES them!

And now for the best part...DaySpring is also hosting a giveaway on their website...you could have a chance to win one of these fabulous books!  Go here and enter...all you have do to is leave a comment on their blog post.  There are so many ways you can enjoy these books...whether or not you have kids.  You can record the story and then donate the book to your church nursery.  You could have your kids record the story and send it to a soldier fighting overseas.  What are your ideas? Do share!  And don't forget to enter DaySpring's GIVEAWAY before October 31st!  They even have information on how you can participate in a future product review as well!

Pssst . . . . here's the link to the giveaway in case the above quicklinks didn't work:  http://www.incourage.me/2011/10/recordable-storybooks-how-to-weave-the-love-of-christ-into-a-child-and-a-giveaway.html
Pssssst . . . . DaySpring gave me this product free to review, and all opinions stated in this here blog are my own    J     

Who needs lies when we can have Truth?

Satan is the father of lies.  It’s been that way since the beginning.  In Genesis 3:1, it says “Now the serpent [Satan] was more subtle and crafty than any living creature of the field which the Lord God had made.”  His main goal is to steal and destroy (John 10:10 - The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I [Jesus] have come that they may have life, and have it to the full).  One of the ways Satan can attack us and steal our joy, purpose, and worse – our ability to focus on God’s purposes for our lives – is to feed us lies.  He’s been feeding me some doozies lately, especially with regards to our most recent failed adoption.

The good news?  God’s word offers truth to counter each of these lies.  I need to cling to the truth of His word more than anything right now.  Don’t get me wrong, God has not promised us a child (like he did Abraham and Sarah in Genesis 17), but I don’t feel like He’s calling us to close the door yet.  I certainly don’t want to “stiff-arm” my way to motherhood if God has a completely different purpose (which, btw, is always best) for my life. I’ve been seeking Him to really examine my heart and show me very clearly if He’s asking us to give up this dream.  The tough thing with our miscarriage and 2 failed adoptions is that they don’t necessarily mean He’s saying “no.” It could be an opportunity for us to trust Him beyond our circumstances.  But, on the other hand, if He is telling us “no,” I want to listen.  So far, I don’t feel a peace about closing that door…so I’m asking Him to make it very clear to us if He wants us to do so.  Here are some of the lies Satan has been throwing at me, and – more important – the truth God gives to counter them.  This is probably more for me than for anyone reading, but I want to have a tangible reminder of God’s words to cling to (and throw in the enemy’s face).

Lie:


“What a waste.” 

Currently, this lie is mostly targeted on the fact that we now have to update our adoption home study again (it expires November 2^nd).  Frustrating for two reasons…it reminds us that another 12 months have passed while we still wait with empty arms, and in our particular case 7 of those 12 months were spent waiting on an adoption that didn’t end up happening.  We were “off the market” for 7 months since we were chosen by a birthmom who ended up changing her mind.  I will be honest and say that this fear was actually the very first thing that came to my mind when we got that call back in March saying we’d been chosen by a birthmom (yay!) and she wasn’t due until October (yikes!).  Human side of me says “wasted time”…truth is that God is not surprised by any of this. This home study update (as well as having to re-do our lifebook, background checks, etc) costs a pretty hefty chunk of change.  We’re not rolling in dough right now (and no, I don’t blame Wall Street…I guess I’m not on board with all that "occupy" stuff...but that’s a whole ‘nother issue). Nevertheless, my selfish humanness thinks about how many “better things” we should be spending that money on.

Truth:

“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
-Philippians 4:19


Pssst: God promises us riches, but not of the sort we're used to pursuing here on earth. The riches God blesses us with are spiritual riches, namely the grace of Jesus Christ and the spiritual benefits of following him (wise words, taken from here).

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.”
-Matthew 6:33

Pssst: This does not mean He will provide me with an iPhone, or a new laptop, or a great vacation…He really means “needs” here  J

Lie:


“Can you really put your heart into the hands of some girl and not expect her to break it?” 

I have struggled with the feelings that “we’re too far away from Tulsa to really make a difference with CPO’s ministry” and “it will get harder and harder to really invest (emotionally) in these birthmoms as much as I want to as trust gets broken again and again.”  After all, I could never do what they are doing, so how can I not expect it to fall through each time?  Pinning hopes on any human is a sure-way to be disappointed.  But I know these feelings are Satan’s sneaky attempts to thwart an awesome God-orchestrated story that will (hopefully) reach even beyond our wildest dreams.

Truth:

We can trust God with our hearts. 

“Trust in the Lord with all of your heart [see, he can be trusted with our hearts!], and do not lean on your own understanding [this is a very good thing, because I don’t so much understand right now]. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths.”
- Proverbs 3:5-6

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”
-1 Peter 5:7

So, this post is full of brutal honesty (and not necessarily things I’m proud of…just being real here).  I wish I could say I had as much grace as people think they see in me lately, but the truth is, I am full of many questions and not a whole lot of answers.  However, I refuse to let the enemy feed me lies when I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me more than I can even imagine, whether I’m “feeling” it or not.  Thank you, Lord, for giving us the truth of your Word that never fails to counteract the enemy’s lies.  I choose truth.  I choose You.

Photo Contest!

So...before this whole failed adoption #2 thing, I entered us into a photo contest here with a local photographer (hoping that we'd have a fun new family pic once baby came). She actually forgot to put us on the facebook portion of the contest, so we're really behind (other pics got "likes" that she's counting, but we weren't included).  After facebook slapped her hand for holding a contest there (who knew?), she's continued the contest on her blog instead (using comments as votes).

We need to catch up!

Would love for you to go comment here on Amanda's contest blog post

(if those quick links didn't work, copy and paste this into your browser to get to the contest post and make a comment):

http://ww...w.amandaeatonblog.com/category/uncategorized/november-session-giveaway-3/ 

and leave a comment voting for our picture (I think we're #11, but hover over our picture to be sure before you comment)...we could win a free photo session with Amanda Eaton Photography valued at $500 :) 

Ends on Sunday 10/16...please, go comment! Help us catch up and win! 

Tell your friends!

Thank you!

Blessings...

"Blessings"

By Laura Story

We pray for blessings

We pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while, You hear each spoken need

Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom

Your voice to hear

And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

All the while, You hear each desperate plea

And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

What if a thousand sleepless nights 

Are what it takes to know You’re near

And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us

When darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise

Sometimes He Calms the Storm...

...and other times He calms His child (lyrics from Scott Krippayne).  We received a phone call this morning from CPO with the news that "J" had sent them a text message letting them know that she has changed her mind.  Failed adoption numero dos for the Irwins (so far, we're 0 for 3 in this parenting thing...1 miscarried pregnancy and 2 failed adoptions).  We are - of course - sad, and confused, and frustrated, and confused (oh, did I already say that?), but we also are 100% in support of "J's" decision.  This little guy was not our baby, and although we really hoped that we would be blessed with the opportunity to parent him, we fully stand behind "J" in this decision.  We also stand by our resolve to praise God when we win, and praise God when we lose (we got that quote from the movie Facing the Giants...if you haven't seen it yet, you totally should).  As hard as it was to get the phone call this morning, we actually see it as an answer to prayer.  We have been in the midst of a 2-week period of no communication from "J" and were becoming a bit anxious that this little guy's due date on the 13th would come and go, and we'd be left wondering.  It was hard to get the phone call from CPO this morning, but it would have been so much harder had "J" simply disappeared entirely.  Last night, as I was browsing through Pinterest (my latest fun pasttime), I came across a picture of Romans 12:12 written on a piece of paper.  When Steve woke up to go to work, I showed it to him, commenting on how perfect it was as we were waiting in the midst of a lot of unknowns.  It says:

"Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer"

I cling to that even now.  We are in no way giving up on this journey of becoming parents through adoption, and we are excitedly jumping right back into foster parenting with both feet as well (we'd put ourselves on hold for a bit, as the trip to Oklahoma for our pending adoption approached).  We absolutely love what CPO is doing through their ministry to birthmoms and are so glad to be involved with them, and will continue to be.  We still cling to the truth of the Bible that our God is awesome, sovereign, loving, and good.  All the time.  Even when we don't understand, even when we aren't necessarily "feeling it," we know that He is good.  Now that doesn't mean that we're happy with how things turned out, or that we aren't disappointed that our 3 1/2 year journey has been delayed yet again, nor does it take away the sting of the many upcoming babies happening among our family/friends as we continue to wait on something God has not yet revealed to us.  BUT...we can take a cue from Paul in Philippians 4:11-13 when he says, "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength"  (and this dude was in prison as an innocent man, wrongly accused, when he wrote this!  If he can do it in those circumstances, we certainly can rejoice amidst ours)!

I spent most of the morning revising our Lifebook ("J" has the only hard copy, and we need to send a new one so CPO can start showing our profile to prospective birthmoms again).  Luckily, CPO has us create our Lifebooks in Shutterfly, so they are easy to reproduce.  Our current Lifebook was done last year after we moved to Kansas, so it was full of pictures with Norman.  Unfortunately, I had to replace all those pictures, since Norman is no longer with us (talk about adding salt to the wound, huh?).  It is all ready to go now, and we'll get it ordered/sent tonight or tomorrow.  Then, we wait...again.

We've been so blessed by the prayers, encouragement, support, virtual hugs, and excitement from our family and friends as we've been on this latest adoption journey these past 7 months since being chosen by "J."  We certainly appreciate all of it, and we are really doing ok.  We have a 6th anniversary to celebrate tomorrow, and although we'd hoped to be celebrating under different circumstances, we still have so much that we're thankful for.  God has brought us through so much these past 6 years, and I know there will be many more trials and tough times.  That's life, ya know?  The difference is that we have an incredible hope, and boy, has that hope been made more real to me in the past few years than ever.  We've been able to live in the knowledge that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7).  That is the only way I can describe the peace we feel, because it sure isn't coming from us...we'd be wrecks if we didn't have it.

Still praising our God...

30 Day Shred - Day Thirty!!

Mission accomplished! I completed Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred in 30 days! So glad to have made it all the way...and now begins the real discipline: my plan to continue "shredding" 3-4 days per week while mixing it up with some running, etc. I was kind of over the shred today knowing it was my last day, so I'm ready for a break. Only thing is...it can't be too much of a break because knowing myself, if I fall off the wagon, it gets harder and harder to get back on it.

I have been doing the shred first thing every morning (which is tough when I already don't like getting out of bed, but oh, so worth it when it's done and I have the whole day ahead of me). This morning, I had Bible study at 9 am, so that meant an early date with Jillian and then being out of the house before Steve came home from work. I sent him a quick text to let him know I finished my shred and was off to Bible study, and then headed out the door. When I came out to my car after Bible study, I noticed something on my windshield. As I walked up to the car, I saw a beautiful red gerbera daisy (one of my faves) and a note from my sweetheart inviting me out to lunch to celebrate the successful 30 day challenge. How amazing is he?!? Turns out he was parked a few rows away watching the whole thing and he called me as I started my car (he was afraid I was going to drive away!). Such a great surprise! Steve took me out to my favorite sushi restaurant and then to our favorite frozen yogurt place. I sure love that man. And I declare this 30 Day Challenge a huge success!

To top off our amazing day, we had an appointment to meet our pediatrician this afternoon. He was the one recommended by all of my KC friends, so I pretty much knew we would be going with that practice. But it was cemented even more after meeting with him today. It was a no-cost "new patient" consultation, and he spent 45 minutes with us! Such a great doctor, and he answered all of our questions, as well as gave us some great advice for our time in Oklahoma before we bring our little guy back to Kansas. Now we just need that sweet baby boy to get here :) Only 16 days until his due date...keep the prayers coming!

Zoo Adventure

We have had some beautiful weather here in Kansas…a bit of a warm-up the last couple days, but today we settled back into gorgeous Fall temperatures. I used to hate Fall, but realized that I only hated it because it led to Winter. Fall is actually my favorite season now! Anyhow, to take advantage of the wonderful day (and a “buy-one-cookie-get-one-free” coupon I had…haha), we ventured out to the Kansas City Zoo. My parents give us a zoo membership each year for our anniversary and we love it! Free dates all year long! I can’t wait to bring kiddos to the zoo, but Steve and I have also enjoyed several trips to the various zoos in places we’ve lived since we’ve been married (the Minnesota Zoo, the Oklahoma City Zoo, and now the Kansas City Zoo…all wonderful in their own unique ways).

We seemed to get to the zoo at naptime…all the animals were asleep! Luckily, they were also taking advantage of the nice weather, so they were all napping in the sunshine and we could still see them. Adorable! First, we saw the leopard…snug as a bug in a rug. Doesn’t look so dangerous when it’s sleeping, huh?

Then, we hung out with the gorillas. This one was all curled up by the tree.

This guy was Steve’s favorite. He was just chillin’…

I, personally, was fond of this guy. He was sitting in a pose that seemed to be saying “Wazzup?” which totally reminded me of my Dad (anyone that knows my Dad will understand this...and no, I'm not saying he reminds me of a gorilla).

As I was getting my phone out to send a picture to my Dad, he decided it was naptime, too.

I could have hung out with those guys all day…but we kept trucking along the Africa exhibit and came upon a pride of lions. Aren’t they amazing?

In keeping with the spirit of The Lion King’s recent re-release into theaters, we checked out the Meerkats (Timon, anyone?)

Two of them were completely out cold, but one still had a bit of exploring to do.

Until he decided it was also sleepy time. Haha!

Don’t worry; they always have a buddy on the lookout for any predators.

This is actually called the Sentry. Their role is to watch for predators or other potential dangers. The zoo is quite educational!

Our final animal stop along the way was the Rhino, who was also quite tired. The shadow of his eyelid makes it look like his eye is open, but he is also sound asleep.

Thus concludes our Kansas City Zoo Nap Tour. Well, except for a quick stop for our cookies on the way out…yummy! We had such a fun day at the zoo. Hopefully next time we go, we'll have a stroller in tow!

30 Day Shred - Day Eighteen

We're well over halfway, folks! I am so excited about keeping up with this challenge. Even when we were out of town on Monday (we got to meet our birthmom for the first time!), I wrote down the different circuits and their respective times, and Steve talked me through the entire 25ish minute workout right there in our hotel room. I actually think I probably worked out even harder that day because I moved right from exercise to exercise (while using the DVD, I sometimes slack a bit while Jillian explains each move). It felt so good to continue the Shred even when I wasn't in my own living room. Still working Level 2 and it is still kicking my tail each day, but it definitely feels better than it did the first few times I tried it :) My plan is to move up to Level 3 on Day 21...I'm already nervous about it. Once this 30 day challenge is done, I plan to keep up with the Shred, but more on a 3-4 days per week basis, and also add some running to the mix as well. Like my friend Kellie has said, I don't want to go through this part of the whole "getting used to working out" again (i.e. crazy soreness), so I am really hoping to stick with it after this 30 days is complete!

Here's to 18 days down, 12 to go! Day 19, here I come!

30 Day Shred - Day Twelve

Whew! I'm still truckin' along with the 30 day shred. It seriously is a great workout, and I feel like I'm getting more toned than I thought possible in a short time. That Jillian knows what she's doing :) Yesterday, Day 11, I moved up to Level 2 of the workout. I'll admit, I was a bit presumptuous in assuming that it "can't be that much harder, right?" Ummmmm...nope. Definitely not right. Yesterday's workout was a doozy! Today did feel a bit better, but I am already dreading my planned move to Level 3 in 8 days. I can't imagine what that is going to be like. Wait, would this situation qualify for the "Don't be anxious about tomorrow, for today has enough worries of it's own" verse in Matthew 6:34? Yes. Yes, I think so.

This has also been my biggest work stretch since I started at Starbucks 9 months ago. I worked 6 of the last 7 days...and one of those days, I worked in the morning and then went back to work the evening/close shift. Luckily, I love my job and the people I work with! But it has definitely been a busy week. Soon, I won't have the luxury of extra time to pick up more shifts at work (thanks to a certain little bundle arriving in October! Yay!) so I figure I might as well get the extra dinero while I can, right?

Well, that's my update. My fellow shredders are also still on the wagon! A couple had to take a few days off due to illness or travel plans, but we're all still in it! I am so excited to see the benefits from our hard work. And yes, I will admit fully that it is hard work (but oh, so worth it). Onto Day 13!